Friday, March 28, 2014

How To Tell If You Are A Dick Of A Teacher

Last week, our 2013 SPM candidates finally got their results.

Some were excellent, some were average, and some were well, they got what they deserve according to their effort.

But the most interesting part about the SPM results was that it was brewing with controversies.

Almost all papers were leaked prior the exam. The education department is secretive on what grades make an A and so forth. And the best part is, it seems that most students got an A in Science, even when they failed English and Maths. What sorcery is this? miracle!

So which part of these controversies would I like to bitch about? 

None of it. Just about the dick teachers who took advantage of all these. And how to spot one, or if you want to know if you are one.

These are the 5 ways:

1. You are a dick of a teacher if you are part of this 'miracle A's'.

2. You are a dick of a teacher if you prepare the answer sheet for your students to memorise prior the exam if you managed to get leak questions.

3. You are a dick of a teacher when you teach them to cheat instead of using their effort.

4. You are a dick of a teacher if you do this for the sake of maintaining a good reputation and making the school look good.  And you are fucking proud of it!

5. And you are the biggest dick of them all when:
a) Your students' results are questioned, costing them a place in a good higher learning institution, or getting a stable job.
b) Your students somehow managed to get into a good university but they flunk out halfway as they are in reality poorly qualified.
c) Your students somehow become teachers and they destroy 30 more generations,whether through their incompetence, or teaching their students the joy of cheating just like how you did.
d) The next generations are no better than potatoes.

I am not a perfect teacher nor do I follow rules too easily.  I punch in a few minutes late most of the time. I go to town for breakfast when I don't have classes. I switch to Bahasa Melayu when teaching English when students look at me blankly. I can never for my life memorise the Kami Guru Malaysia anthem. I don't dress like a 'role model' when in town. I go drinking in pubs where a couple of times I would bump into my students.  I swear a lot. Hell, I'm so fucking flawed and there is still so much I need to learn and continue learning to be a better teacher.

But I am not a dick of a teacher as my integrity as a teacher is intact and will forever be. Please punch me in the face if someday I too will get corrupted and be one.

In all honesty, I too got the leaked questions but dismissed it as merely spot questions.  I didn't go writing perfect essays and photocopying them to be distributed to my kids. Did I regret not doing so? Nope. Out of 22 students who got an A in English in my school, 12 of them were mine and in my weak class where everyone would normally fail, all of them passed except for one. So no. I have no regrets of not "helping" them because I want them to be proud of their own effort and that's exactly what they felt.

So, in case there's a dick of a teacher reading this, I hope this post burns you thoroughly and hopefully you will learn to be a better teacher. If you happen to know any dick of a teachers, don't be afraid to report them.  Einstein (or was it him) did say that the biggest evil in the world is knowing it happens but not doing anything about it.

If you think you will someday turn into one, please assign someone to punch you in the face as well.

Save our kids. Don't let them become potatoes.