Friday, April 27, 2012

Long Distance Relationship: How to Suck it Up

Okay, I rarely talk about love or my love life explicitly, and you'd know this if you've been following this blog since 2009 (has it been 3 years? I need to throw a party for that!).  There's that one post where I talked about  receiving roses for the first time on Valentine's Day from The Boyfriend - which is pretty sad that I have to brag about it, come to think of it.

Anyways. Long Distance Relationship, or for the sake of my fingers from being sick of typing the whole thing over and over again, LDR.  And now it sounds like a disease.

Being in an LDR means you don't get to see your partner every day.  You don't get to do all those couply shit too often, 'coz you'd only see each other once a week, a month, or a few times in a year.  Which is depressing. Especially when your attached friends keep tagging you along to join their 'activities' as a third wheel 'coz they love you and feel sorry for you but are secretly smug that they get to make out with their partners every day.

Being in an LDR can bring forth a lot of issues.  There's boredom and infidelity.  Which is caused by boredom. And lack of communication and doing couply shit together.  And there's the issue of trust.  You haven't seen your partner in a month, can you trust that he is just jacking off on Redtube?

LDR down right sucks.  It shouldn't be invented, and it should be illegal.  But we are human.  If we want something so badly, we'd do whatever it takes, without thinking much of the consequences, especially when reality sets in.

But here I am, 9 years in an LDR and I pray to dear God, not counting.

I'll let your amazement sink in for a moment.  Done? Okay, moving on.

People would get awestruck when I mention this, like this should be documented in fucking World Guinness Record.  They also wonder how I do it, especially coming from those who are in an LDR too and hating every moment of it.

The key to a successful LDR is trust.  You need to believe that your partner loves you enough to just jerk off to photos of your decent cleavage and nothing else.  If you don't have this, you will lose your mind.  Trust, not photos of your boobs. Your mind will always wonder where is he, what is he doing, and who is he doing.  And ugly fight would ensure, and the next thing you know, you're off LDR.  But of course, it is difficult not to think of the possibility of infidelity when you have a Miranda Kerr as a girlfriend, you lucky/unlucky son of a bitch.  You probably need years of mediation with Tibetan monks to get over your insecurities.

Besides that, the most important thing is to GET A LIFE.  Get yourself busy.  While you're not with your partner, talking on the phone, texting or Skyping with him or her, go do your thang.  Hang out with your friends.  Do your 1 month's worth laundry.  Watch every videos on Youtube.  Adopt a Cambodian.  ANYTHING.  Yes, it's a lot like being single, but at the end of the day, when you call each other to say good night and arguing who hangs up first, you'd know that you do have someone, even though he's living in Mars.

But then again, you need to know that at the brink of my relationship, I was already in an LDR.  So I don't get to miss the moments where we hung out with each, dining together or having fart wars every day.  For those who had to separate miles away from your partner after being so used to seeing each other every day, I can only imagine the major forlorn feeling.

It's fucking hard, but I promise you, it gets better.  The first few years for me was the toughest, but as time passes by, there's no reason to be depressed 'coz I know he's crazy about me.  I do miss him horribly sometimes, especially after watching The Vampire Diaries' Damon and Elena make out passionately (oh, forgot to put a spoiler alert there for ya :D), but I know it's okay 'coz I will see him every now and then.  In fact, being in an LDR has its perks.  You don't see each other every day, so you don't get sick with each other that fast.  You also won't turn into a boring married for 40 years couple too.  See every first meeting after a long time will be magical.  Like being on a first date.  And doing couply things would be very exciting and special every time.  Oh and I should add, some 'activities' will be ahem, explosive.  In other words, a prolonged Honeymoon Phase.

It's like we never grew up.

However, there is one factor that can make or break an LDR.  The question of how often can you guys see each other.  The Boyfriend is from the same hometown as me, albeit working 8 hours-drive away.  So we make it a point to make full use of public holidays.  It's tragic, but that's how we roll.  So for those whose partner is at overseas, having no idea when they can come back to see you, well, that's pretty much a deal breaker.

Half the population of this earth have asked me when I'm getting married, since I've been with the same dude for almost ten years now.  Truth is, I can handle a Long Distance Relationship, but I'm not too sure of a Long Distance Marriage.  That's even beyond tragic and I salute those who were able to do it.  However, I do wonder what will happen when I'm no longer in an LDR, when the Honeymoon Phase ends after a decade, and reality sets in.  Guess that's one problem after another.

So, what you think of Long Distance Relationships: Work it or ditch it?


Shamimi Haniza said...

For sum1 who witness ur LDR, I'm happy for u now n then. You indeed a wonder woman. Hopefully u will always happy now n forever with Mr. Boyfriend. :-)

Dora said...

When I first getting started in a relationship with my BF, I said to him that I don't want a LDR and I don't believe in it but he assure me that it will and it does! his effort making it seems like it wast't a LDR at all..Technology does help :)
salute you both, 9 years! May the force be with you!

Have a great weekend Amanda :D

TaQuiLa said...

100 % agree with u. TRUST is the most important thing in LDR. Been there and it was awesome experience.
Somehow, one thing about LDR u cherish the moment whenever u guys together. Sudah tu, the best feeling after all, time yg first day mo jumpa dia after berkurun-kurun nda bejumpa ni. Auwww, sa rindu moment itu :P ^.*
It's ok manda, when the time is right, u guys will be waking up facing each other every single day.

p/s : been there :))

Amanda Christine Wong said...

hehe. thanks doll :D

It's not that bad, isn't it? :D. Thanks and right back at ya!

hehehe...betul2...Syok la sdh kan kamu now - jealous! Harap2 my time comes soon... Amiiin

Nath said...

All of my 3 previous R/S are based on LDR, it's always one of us travels away from another =.=

To me distance shouldn't be measured by physical calculation but the feelings from the heart. No point to always have someone next to you but doesn't cherish you as he/should. There's no measure in true love :)

Amanda Christine Wong said...

Nath: Wow, salute! And so true. It's funny how the person you're sleeping next to you can cheat on you under your nose. So distance doesn't really mean anything if the heart isn't in it. :)

Benedicta*C_J said...

In it now..:-( what u said, after being close with each other for a few years, being apart is super hard. But from this year on, life is too busy and too many interesting things happen that it doesn't bother me much anymore. Jz like wat u said, being single but at the end of the day, u know u have some1 to say gudnite to. The down part of it is 'when wil i meet him again'..flying over to his place is ez, but for him to take off days is hard. :-(..sedih..but life treat me well this year..too many happy hour not to b missed....:-)..LDR is hard, but it has an interesting part in it 2..:-)

Joan said...

yeay for LDR definitely. Near or far, it has its own perks but I totally agree about the prolonged honeymoon phase.

Mine is only 7 years and counting punya LDR, you menang la. 9 years. Tapi nda rasa juga bertahun-tahun ni LDR kan. Makin lama makin immune.

Amanda Christine Wong said...

Yup2..I guess if we keep ourselves happy, it won't be that hard, right? And enjoy the meet up later :D

Haha..yup, immune sdh kan. nda payah sdh meraung kerinduan :D

Phoebe said...

Interesting topic. With my partner of 5 yrs, we were in a LDR for the first two years and for the remaining years until now, in a non-LDR.

From experience I think what can be a challenge when couples go from being in a LDR to being in a non-LDR is the shock of realizing that despite years of being together with our partner, it seems that we don't know anything about them at all. It's like they are strangers somehow.

Why? Because in a LDR, we tend to show our best side and make extra (make that extra, extra) effort in everything. We also tend to sweep aside anything that may annoy us about our partners (certain habits, words used, etc). When we suddenly have to tolerate such annoying behavior for longer periods of time than we're used to, and begin to see sides (most probably less desirable ones) to our partners that we have never seen before, there will be a sense of being 'cheated' on somehow if you know what I mean.

HOWEVER, going from LDR into a non-LDR r/ship can work, as long as you are willing (and able) to 'forget' what you think you know about your partner and get to know them from scratch. It takes commitment, patience and a whole lot of faith and hard work but can be worth it in the end.

Good luck! ^^

Amanda Christine Wong said...

YES! EXACTLY my thought. There will come the day when we will have fart wars. But now it's only one sided- from the guy of course :P. Thanks!

chegu carol said...

the only obvious way to end LDR is to vow each other to marriage and either one must sacrifice his/her work to stay closer with the other one.

but since it is not the case for you at the moment, enjoy LDR! :D

I was in LDR before, survived and now enduring fart wars and such. hee

Amanda Christine Wong said...

Haha! Yeah, hopefully something good will happen this year :D

Amanda Christine Wong said...

Haha! Yeah, hopefully something good will happen this year :D

Armstrong said...

Ditch it. Because I was in one before, and the girl did something behind my back.

Unless of course, if you're considered a record-breaking of LDR like someone particular :D, then you just go ahead.

My current one was also an LDR. And you know how I worked it out? I moved to her. Hahaa. Lame o sia kan, sia yang mengalah ni. Haha. But I put a lot of thought into it too. Love is not enough of an excuse. So my reason is to find new experience, get out of comfort zone and get a higher pay :D Dari KK ke JB. But currently finding a job in Singapore :D

Panjang ka. I'm not sorry for the long comment. wakaka.

Amanda Christine Wong said...

@Armstrong: WOW! YOU ACTUALLY DID THAT? If im the girl sy kawin sdh ko :D