Friday, April 27, 2012

Long Distance Relationship: How to Suck it Up

Okay, I rarely talk about love or my love life explicitly, and you'd know this if you've been following this blog since 2009 (has it been 3 years? I need to throw a party for that!).  There's that one post where I talked about  receiving roses for the first time on Valentine's Day from The Boyfriend - which is pretty sad that I have to brag about it, come to think of it.

Anyways. Long Distance Relationship, or for the sake of my fingers from being sick of typing the whole thing over and over again, LDR.  And now it sounds like a disease.

Being in an LDR means you don't get to see your partner every day.  You don't get to do all those couply shit too often, 'coz you'd only see each other once a week, a month, or a few times in a year.  Which is depressing. Especially when your attached friends keep tagging you along to join their 'activities' as a third wheel 'coz they love you and feel sorry for you but are secretly smug that they get to make out with their partners every day.

Being in an LDR can bring forth a lot of issues.  There's boredom and infidelity.  Which is caused by boredom. And lack of communication and doing couply shit together.  And there's the issue of trust.  You haven't seen your partner in a month, can you trust that he is just jacking off on Redtube?

LDR down right sucks.  It shouldn't be invented, and it should be illegal.  But we are human.  If we want something so badly, we'd do whatever it takes, without thinking much of the consequences, especially when reality sets in.

But here I am, 9 years in an LDR and I pray to dear God, not counting.

I'll let your amazement sink in for a moment.  Done? Okay, moving on.

People would get awestruck when I mention this, like this should be documented in fucking World Guinness Record.  They also wonder how I do it, especially coming from those who are in an LDR too and hating every moment of it.

The key to a successful LDR is trust.  You need to believe that your partner loves you enough to just jerk off to photos of your decent cleavage and nothing else.  If you don't have this, you will lose your mind.  Trust, not photos of your boobs. Your mind will always wonder where is he, what is he doing, and who is he doing.  And ugly fight would ensure, and the next thing you know, you're off LDR.  But of course, it is difficult not to think of the possibility of infidelity when you have a Miranda Kerr as a girlfriend, you lucky/unlucky son of a bitch.  You probably need years of mediation with Tibetan monks to get over your insecurities.

Besides that, the most important thing is to GET A LIFE.  Get yourself busy.  While you're not with your partner, talking on the phone, texting or Skyping with him or her, go do your thang.  Hang out with your friends.  Do your 1 month's worth laundry.  Watch every videos on Youtube.  Adopt a Cambodian.  ANYTHING.  Yes, it's a lot like being single, but at the end of the day, when you call each other to say good night and arguing who hangs up first, you'd know that you do have someone, even though he's living in Mars.

But then again, you need to know that at the brink of my relationship, I was already in an LDR.  So I don't get to miss the moments where we hung out with each, dining together or having fart wars every day.  For those who had to separate miles away from your partner after being so used to seeing each other every day, I can only imagine the major forlorn feeling.

It's fucking hard, but I promise you, it gets better.  The first few years for me was the toughest, but as time passes by, there's no reason to be depressed 'coz I know he's crazy about me.  I do miss him horribly sometimes, especially after watching The Vampire Diaries' Damon and Elena make out passionately (oh, forgot to put a spoiler alert there for ya :D), but I know it's okay 'coz I will see him every now and then.  In fact, being in an LDR has its perks.  You don't see each other every day, so you don't get sick with each other that fast.  You also won't turn into a boring married for 40 years couple too.  See every first meeting after a long time will be magical.  Like being on a first date.  And doing couply things would be very exciting and special every time.  Oh and I should add, some 'activities' will be ahem, explosive.  In other words, a prolonged Honeymoon Phase.

It's like we never grew up.

However, there is one factor that can make or break an LDR.  The question of how often can you guys see each other.  The Boyfriend is from the same hometown as me, albeit working 8 hours-drive away.  So we make it a point to make full use of public holidays.  It's tragic, but that's how we roll.  So for those whose partner is at overseas, having no idea when they can come back to see you, well, that's pretty much a deal breaker.

Half the population of this earth have asked me when I'm getting married, since I've been with the same dude for almost ten years now.  Truth is, I can handle a Long Distance Relationship, but I'm not too sure of a Long Distance Marriage.  That's even beyond tragic and I salute those who were able to do it.  However, I do wonder what will happen when I'm no longer in an LDR, when the Honeymoon Phase ends after a decade, and reality sets in.  Guess that's one problem after another.

So, what you think of Long Distance Relationships: Work it or ditch it?

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Dr Melinda Tong, Dermatologist, Skin God.

As y'all know, I have acne problem.

For the past two years I've been spending hundreds of dollars finding my Holy Grail skincare products, but to no avail.

My skin has become worse than it has ever been, and acnes are beginning to creep onto my once pristine cheeks.  And the scars! Oh fucking acne scars.

Ok well I may be exaggerating a little, like I always do.  My acnes are not those cystic type where you can get a fever just by popping one.  It's just that I have acne and I hate it.

So, one day I decided that I had enough. It's time to see a dermatologist.

After googling high and low (which gave me little info though) and asking friends about the best doctor in town, they suggested Dr Melinda Tong, Specialist Skin Clinic.

Well, they just suggested one nameless clinic at Damai, KK; I found the name of the doctor on Google.  But there was very little information/review about it. So here's where I come in :D

According to valuable sources, this clinic only opens for first time comers on Saturdays, and no appointment is allowed.  You have to get there early, as there will be like 30-40 patients.  And they only take the first 40 patients.  First I thought that it is incredulous.  I mean, people can't be dying to see this doctor?

Or so I thought.

On a wonderful Saturday morning, I had breakfast with my family at Damai.  The clinic was just a floor above the restaurant.  I saw a weird lady in sweat clothes walking up and down the stairs.  Just thought she was weird.  My watch struck 8, but I thought meh, I don't want to look like a dork being the first to appear at the clinic when they probably haven't switch on the lights and air-conditioning.  I thought I'd enjoy my kaya-planta char-kueh for just another 5 minutes before going to the clinic.

But damn my folly.  5 minutes in and the clinic was packed.  When I got my hands on the registrar, I was patient number 21.  5 fucking minutes late and there were already 20 people before me.  What sorcery!  And I found out that the sweat pants lady was actually running up and down to check whether the clinic was already open or not.  I think she was patient number 5.

After 200 pages reading my novel, I was finally called in.

So, was she all the rage?

I fell in love the moment I saw her.  My dermatologist wet dream.

She was super friendly, super bubbly, full of spunk and very informative.  I was like, what I didn't know drinking too much cow milk can give you pimples?!  She even knew I have mild eczema the moment I walked in.  And we finished each other's sentence. "Dusts and strong perfumes make your nose..." "Itchy!" I squealed.  And she just needed to look at my palm, my back and check my mouth to decide what kind of animal my acne is.

 There were a few things she said there was quite enlightening, like, a dirty face doesn't cause acne.  If it does, how come our feet are acne-free? Mind = Blown.  And that scrubs and masks aren't that good for you, well, for my skin that is.  She seemed to have a slight beef with beauticians though, especially the statement that they always tell their clients "oily skin outside, but dry inside", which is total bull, according to her.

She told me things that magazines and the Internet never say, and broke down beauty myths for me.  She is indeed a skin goddess.  Her high, rounded Botoxed cheeks are a little bit distracting, but otherwise, she is awesome.

So what was my problem? It's just bad genes (thanks, parents) and bad skin care products (sorry Watsons, you'll have many more drugstore beauty addicts).  And that I shouldn't moisturise my forehead nor apply sunblock.  Her logic - my forehead is already too oily, and as for the zero need for sunblock on the forehead - we don't get freckles on the forehead, just the cheeks.  Very, very legit.

She prescribed me a couple of oral medications and a whole new skin care products.  The good thing about the products is that they are of mixed brands, so I know she's not the ambassador of whatever products.

Besides helping me clear my acne, she also helped me find my Holy Grail products.  These are what she prescribed me:


Oral acne treatment medication.


Sunblock.  That costs a bomb.

Night moisturizer.

Make-up remover.

Day acne gel.

Night acne gel.  But I already have this at home.

And a complimentary petroleum jelly.  'Coz the acne medication will burn the bejezus out of my mouth/lips area.

The total damage? RM600 + 4 hours of wait.  Will it finally solve my woe?  We'll have to wait.

I'd better look like Miss World in one month's time, Dr Melinda.

P/s:  If you have horrible skin too, or just plain vain in need of a fix, you can visit this her at Lot 1-1, Block A, Damai Plaza IV, KK (above Diriwan).  It's where the food court is.  Or you can call the clinic at 088-250275.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Our Very Own Comic Book Hero!

Yes, we 1Malaysians must be very proud that we have our very own local hero.

He is none other than our most wise and highly respected Dato Seri Najib Tun Razak!

This comic was even circulated in some schools to instil pride in government serving teachers, and for teachers to spread the love of our national hero to students.

So what do you this is, a super propaganda, or super sarcasm?


Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Beauty Pageants: Yay or Nay?

The Miss Earth Sabah 2012 audition came to town today.  

Friends had been egging me to join it.

Well, if I had gone to the gym a year ago instead of a month, my skin hadn't decided to turn 16 once again, and that my mom had forced braces onto my teeth when I was young, I would've jumped on the opportunity for all the glam and glitz of the pageant world.

I mean come on, it's Miss Earth.  The most prestigious pageant after Miss World and Miss Universe.

To some degree I do think I'm hot (totally pulling a Samantha Brick here), but I am aware that I am flawed and basically NOT beauty queen material.  Though some bias sources did suggest that I am a 7 in the beauty queen eligibility :D

Anyways.  It got me thinking.  Are beauty pageants really necessary?

Some say that pageants are full of dumb fake vain women who feed on attention.  These women would rather get skin cancer from tanning beds than "contribute to world peace".  Also, that pageants are demeaning to women, what with the parading of women to choose the best cattle of the herd.  And, that it promotes negative self image - women and teenage girls all over the world starve/go under the knife to fit into the ideal definition of beauty according to society/pageants.  And do you have to be beautiful to do charity?  Why can't we have a charity pageant instead?  The most charity one does wins the crown.  That would save a lot of hairspray.

But are beauty pageants really bad for society?  The whole paragraph above is what I do honestly think of pageants.  HOWEVER.  I do not think it is all bad.  I was once an Unduk Ngadau (Sabah's Harvest Festival Queen), so before you call me a hypocritical cow, beauty pageants do deserve some credit in shaping young women's life all over the world.

Despite all its superficiality, beauty pageants do help build confidence and self-esteem.  You will be standing on a stage in front of hundreds, if not thousands of people as you introduce yourself or answer questions.  You will be strutting down the runway, parading what you have - and there will be thousands of eyes looking at you, judging you ('coz most of the time people are evil and unkind to those who are better looking than them).  Your fans (and that means family and friends) would want you to do your best, but the majority would like to see you fall flat on your face.  And if you survive this turmoil, you will emerge a stronger person than your wimpy, pre-pageant-self days.  But of course, the douchettes would become bigger douchettes, but I'm only referring to those girls who never thought they were beautiful.

Besides that, once you hold the title of beauty queen, you have to live up to it, and that means you'll learn to take good care of your appearance, even if it means slapping on doughs of make-up even if you just need to run to the market to buy some tomatoes.  It includes taking care of your body, keeping fit and having less rubbish in it.  On the contrary, it does make one vain, but it does beat being Ms Frumpy, yes?

And finally, pageants are platforms for girls who want to model.  The Unduk Ngadau and Miss Earth Sabah are really the best platforms here in Sabah for them for instant publicity.

With that being said, I guess I'd say yay for beauty pageants, no matter how superficial and controversial it could get.  

So yeah, the Miss Earth Sabah 2012 audition in Keningau is still on till 12th April, so GO GET YOUR TASTE OF GLAM! Or if you need some self-esteem boost. Really.  It works.  True story.  Check out audition dates in Sandakan and Kota Kinabalu here:

Click for official Facebook page here

You know you want to :D

So, what are your thoughts on beauty pageants: yay or nay?

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Kinky Literature

Last week, I had a literature class activity where I asked students to draw visual plot mindmaps thingy on one chapter of the novel they were studying, which is The Curse by Lee Su Ann.

If you have bothered to read the notes I painstakingly made and posted on this blog about the novel, you’d know what the novel is about.

And if you don’t, let me spare you from clicking the link above.   The novel is about a murder of woman in Langkawi island named Madhuri.  Her sister, Azreen, is on a witchhunt to find out who did it.  

These are some of their works:

However, there was one work of art that made me think of nasty, demented sex.

To understand my students’ unexplainable mistake I’m ‘bout to show you, here’s a brief background story.  Madhuri was married to the village head, Haji Ghani.  Haji Ghani’s first wife, Puan Fatihah, was never happy about her husband’s astraying dick to his new wife.  The death of Madhuri made Haji Ghani even more of a douche to her, no matter how hard Puan Fatihah tried to make him happy.  He kept looking at his wedding photos of him and Madhuri, and ignored Puan Fatihah’s beckon to go have pity/revenge/happy sex now that Madhuri is gone.  Okay, that wasn’t stated exactly in the novel, but neither was this:

But how?
Sometimes I wonder where they get these ideas from.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Serial Diggers

Can you spot a puppy in this photo?

No? Look closer.

And closer.

And now you woke Hershey up.

As you can see, that is one of the holes she is sleeping in.

We have serial diggers in our backyard.  They dig holes for them to sleep in, and also hide gems.

And on rainy days, mini ponds for them to play in.  Damn you cute little water dogs.

Sometimes we wish they would never grow up...and just sleep in bushes like they used to.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Zumba: Partay Your Way to Fitness!

Okay, I may be a couple years too late to do a review on this, but what the hell.

For those only born yesterday, Zumba is a dance-fitness program, Latin-inspired.

But it's more like a dance party because it is SUPER FUN.  You will forget that you are actually exercising.

In Zumba, you basically dance to the hottest clubbing tracks.  The only thing missing is a Bacardi spilling over your hand.

Think aerobics + line dance + Latin dance.

But unlike aerobics, you won't be doing moves from the 80's.  There are lots of gyrating, crumping and popping.  Think  MTV's soft porn.

Unlike line dance, where you will be dancing the same moves facing all four walls of the room OVER AND OVER AGAIN, there is variety in Zumba dances.

And finally unlike Latin dance, Zumba is so much less complicated.  So don't be afraid if you have bad coordination.  I have bad leg-arm coordination, so if I can do it, you sure can too.  Unless you can't tell which is right to left.

But of course in your first class, you will be LOST.  But even when you're lost, just let the music sway you and dance with two feet like nobody's watching till you're back on track.  Seriously, nobody will look at you staggering like a tranquillizer-shot t-rex 'coz all eyes will be on the instructor.

See how everyone got it wrong.  Especially me, if you can find me.

And as for the instructors.  WOW.  Besides having banging bodies, they put all attention-seeking, bar-dancing gyrating clubbers to shame.  Yes, including me 'coz I used to think I'm the best dancer in the club when I'm drunk enough to dance on a bar.  Note used to.  And their energy! We were already seeing stars when we closed our eyes within the first hour of the session, but up till the warming down session, two hours later, they were still jumping around and shouting "WOOT!".  You'd think they were on some energy sustaining drugs.  And I'm about to say something lame - dance and music ARE their drugs.

As for the benefits?  Well, there are intense cardio and body toning going on.  But best of all, it doesn't feel like exercise so you won't be bargaining with yourself to not go this time.  You can read about the benefits in-depth here, and glowing testimonials on how people lost like 150 pounds or something just by Zumba-ing here.

Therefore, if you hate exercise but LOVE to party and figured you're not getting any younger and fitter, Zumba is meant for you party people.  Minus the hangover and stale stench of cigarettes.

I can't help thinking though what a super sonic blast Zumba would be if I down a couple of tequila shots before the workout :D

So, leave your aerobics and line dance classes to the uncool grannies and party your way to hotness with Zumba, NOW!

If you live in Keningau, there will be classes at Jackie Gym every Tuesdays and Thursdays, at 5.30 p.m. till 6.30 p.m.  The fee is RM50 for 6 classes per month, and RM10 for walk-ins.