Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Konsep Guru Penyayang: Love Thy Students And Spareth The Rod

Our Malaysian Ministry of Education has come up with ANOTHER new concept to be launched and applied in schools.

Konsep Guru Penyayang.  It basically means we have to be 'caring' towards our kids.

But hey, isn't busting our asses doing everything we can to help our kids considered 'caring'? Sacrificing our free time to assist and coach them, giving them sound advices, instilling moral values and teaching them consequences of their action?

Apparently, that isn't enough.

Tomorrow, as the 'new concept' is launched nationwide, we teachers have to go to school half an hour earlier, stand by the main gate and greet our students with bright smiles.  We then give them mass-produced bookmarks to show that we care, even to students who don't give a damn about studying, and then we as class teachers have to award our students tokens of appreciation for whatever good things they do like, do well in exams, excel in sports or probably just for showing up in a uniform.

Basically, starting from tomorrow, we have to be nice.  Because we have to show these attention seeking children that we care.

Translation = No more yelling, nagging and awesome, creative punishments.

Just. Pure. Love.

...And that's when the sarcasm comes rolling in.  I adore how cynical my colleagues are, old and new.

When our kids enter class, we must greet them, fix their tie, and give them a pat on the back.  Also, pull out their seats for them, all 40 of them.

When our kids are rude at us, we must speak as softly and motherly/fatherly as possible.  Even if they spat you on the face.  Ignore the spit running down your face and just smile as sweetly as possible.

We musn't cane our kids, make them stand up throughout the period, or kick them out of the class, and of course, bags shouldn't be flying out of the class anymore.

If our kids decide to sleep in class, hell, let them be! Provide them with a pillow.  Wipe their stinking drool.  They must be tired doing their homeworks all night, right?

If our kids decide to key our car, provide them with spray cans.  You could use a new paintjob.

If our kids challenge our authority, back down.  Apologise profusely.

If our kids break any rules, we don't have to proceed with any punishments at all.  We should just hug them, tell them it's okay, and most importantly, tell them we love them no matter what.

Wow, with such concept, students will finally have a conducive learning environment!  How can they not get 21 A+s or finally be literate when there's no more punishment and yelling, but just heaps of love and care?  What's not to LOVE about this concept?

Now excuse me as I have to prepare a red carpet and a banner to welcome my kids to school tomorrow.  And by George, there will be fireworks too. 

Don't forget to replace bullets with paper hearts.


kei-1 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kei-1 said...

what... blasphemy.. is this.... Spare the rod, I understand. I just did it this morning, the hand is created for a reason. but..

freaking lowering your integrity as a teacher as sucking up to your student in hope that they'll feel appreciated? Oh hell no.

Zen said...

so, what now? we're covering what the parents forgot to do?

V said...

You know what, just this very morning I was asked by one senior teacher to fake these poses:
1. Fix one of the boy's neck tie (like the ones u see on telly where the wife/secretary fixes their husband's/boss's tie)

2. Stand with a few students looking at the gate. And of course another pose looking at the camera with the sweetest smile (I think I failed that shot)

TaQuiLa said...

haha..this is another 'joke' that had been implemented in our edu. It's good for bright side, they want to make the teachers close to the kids, but err...mmg nasib la kalau makin bertambah the numbers mentally-teacher nation wide -.-

dan nasibla kalau student makin lama makin naik kepala!

Amanda Christine Wong said...

K: uhuh. 40 years ago, students have to work hard to gain teacher's approval. Today, we have to work hard to gain THEIR approval. what the what?

Zen: I guess so. Soon we have to prepare breakfast for them too.

V: Wow. And I was being sarcastic about No.1. I'm so sorry for you.

Sheila: Tu la tu. Makin bnyk la teachers di mental instituition ni :/

Momo said...

we did this last Thursday and the latecomers were so stunned they nearly crapped in their pants.

Paling siuk, sambil tu cigu belai2 the kids, yg lain menjalankan tugas buka beg wat spotcheck.

Needless to say, we scored many.Hell yeah~!!!! ^^

Amanda Christine Wong said...

Momo: now that was a really brilliant idea! dang, should've suggested doing that.

Lizeewong said...

I LOVE your sarcasm! Those policy makers should read this post. I can't help but feel hopeless about the local education system. Makes you think that the ministry is full of retarded people. Sad.

Amanda Christine Wong said...

Lizee: hehe...haih, guess they've been sitting on their swirling chair in the office too long to know what is really going on. untill them, teachers and generations of kids will be screwed :/