Saturday, February 4, 2012

17 Ways Girls Fake Pretty

So you finally got a hot babe in your arms.  Like, a ten.  Flawless skin, rosy cheeks and lips, breasts and ass you can snuggle into, and basically the frame of Sofia Vergara.

But I hate to break it to ya, you will wake up to a whole different person the next morning.  Stop rubbing your eyes in hopes she'd magically turn into a ten again.  Just. Run.

Because girls have mastered the art of faking pretty.  I know I did.

While some of us do not have the luxury and the balls to resort to plastic surgery, we find affordable, effective, albeit temporary alternative ways to fix every insecurities we have and look damn good.

I know some girls are blessed with naturally good looks, but it's bull if they don't make at least one effort to look pretty too.  They may not have to wear makeup, but they still have to shave their armpits, don't they? That's nothing natural about that.

It may or may not be an insecurity problem or a cry for attention - putting on a brick of make up or stuffing boxes of tissues into a bra, but for me, these are called 'enhancements' and we vain creatures always want to look pleasant.  Like wearing a tie to an interview.  You wanna look good and presentable.  Or cheap and trashy.  Depending on the occasion.

So guys, when you're out on a date with a Megan Fox, do notice these 17 things that she might've done to create that illusion.

And girls, be proud of your Faking It skills and tell me which ones you are guilty of!

1. Dying hair other colours than your natural hair colour, covering up gray hair included, 'coz you're not Katy Perry.

2. Using extensions or weave to create instant long and thick hair, 'coz you just can't wait another 6 months to let your hair grow naturally.

3. Using foundation and concealer to even out skin tone and cover blemishes, 'coz you're just plain ugly without it.

4. Clever shading of the face to create slimmer face, high cheek bones, etc, 'coz Tyra Banks said high cheek bones are very model-y.

5. Injecting face with Botox, vitamin C and other questionable crap to fill out wrinkles, to create perpetual blushing cheeks.

6. Trimming eyebrows and filling it in with makeup, 'coz people are unkind to those with unibrows.

7. Putting mascara or wearing false lashes to lengthen or volumise eyelashes, 'coz you secretly admire Mr Snuffleupagus.

8. Putting on eye makep to make eyes look bigger, 'coz what God gave you isn't enough.

9. Using eyelid stickers to create the illusion of double eyelids meant for Asians, especially.

10. Using coloured contact lenses to create creepy alien bug eyes.

11. Putting on blusher to create rosy cheeks 'coz you're the type that just won't blush no matter how badly you want to.

12. Wearing lipstick, 'coz you look like you've just gone through chemo.

13. Wearing perfume to mask your natural body odour, 'coz whoever said that your natural body odour is what makes people attracted to you, here, smell my sticky, sweaty armpits after a workout.  SMELL IT I SAY!

14. Wearing padded bra, wonder bra, silicone bra or inserting slabs of chicken fillet into your bra so that men can finally notice your chest instead of your face for once.

15. Wearing a girdle, or other constricting device to make last night's sorry evidence of a McDonald's binge to look as if it never happened.

16. Wearing padded panties, or this time inserting slabs of meat of an unknown beast you got from that friendly butcher in your underpants, 'coz you can make adjustments when you have decided whose ass is comically bigger, Kim K's or J.Lo's.

17. Wearing high heels, 'coz you have dwarf genes.

Now you can play Guess What She Fakes with your head on your first date :D

 'Coz you really do not want to be in this situation.

P.p.s: Girls, did I miss out anything?


Rungitom said...

Just... whoa. Imagine the time spend removing all that makeup before going to bed.

kei-1 said...

suddenly the idea of marrying something other than a live girl more secure and safe...

Bec said...

Girl! Watching the video makes me laugh sooooo hard~! I was pretty sleepy at that time but then, after I watched it, damn!! Hahaha. I laughed so hard that I couldn't sleep now. Huhu. Anyway, nice entry tho'. I just know it that it's rare to find a true beauty whereas most of them are fake ones. Okay, hands down to the video! Hahahahahahaha.:P

Lizeewong said...

HAHA! Nice one Manda. Which one relates to me? All except for 3,4,5,9,13,14,15. How bout you? hehe..soalan bonus. Anyway, I read somewhere that most women dress up to impress other women, not so much the men.

Amanda Christine Wong said...

Rungitom: UHUH! but it takes only a minute. removing all the things we put for half an hour :/

K: of course u think so :p

Bec: I know right?! :D

Lizee:haha, half of it la kan? Me - 3,6,7,8,11,12,13,14,17. OMG, im so vain! N dulu time unduk ngadau i wore those padded panties! >.<...oh, i find that so true. like, there's a fashion war going kan...haha.

zewt said...

wicked indeed...

Amanda Christine Wong said...

Hey Zewt! Long time no see!

Anonymous said...

that is what i keep on saying to ppl, make ups are enslaving women everywhere!

-Azhar Khan

AnnieMing said...

Hahahaha I love this post!

hojiayiing said...

i immediately find my vitamin c bottle and chewed one. haha. the school block the video, sigh.

Amanda Christine Wong said...

Azhar: n so are high heels, deforming those beautiful god given feet. BUT WE JUST CAN'T HELP IT. there must be some kind of charm used.

Annie: hi annie! long time no see! congrats :D

lucy: aw...find another time to watch it then :D

Yen said...

ahahaha! paling lucu tu clip amanda..itu la ba urg bilang don't judge a cover by it's book..opss t'balik..:P

Amanda Christine Wong said...

yen: haha...tu la tu :D