Thursday, April 28, 2011

When you are born reckless, some of your dreams die

I'm supposed to gloat about my recent trip to Philippines but I just got a depressing revelation.

This is the car I drive to work.

It's been in the family for years, and since I'm paying the installment, it's technically mine.  Please don't mind Toby and Ting Ting.  They just can't help themselves.

Y'all know my dream of owning a sport car, right?

Well, that dream just got crushed.

Not because of the lack of an impossibly huge sum of money, or that it guzzles five litres of petrol every 15 minutes.

It's because I'm just this.

 I'm born reckless. Though I would like to stress I have never been in a car accident in my 7 years of driving experience.

And now I'm depressed not because I have to spend money to get new skirtings for my car (well, maybe a little), but because I, Amanda Christine Wong, CANNOT drive a sporty, lowered car.  EVER.

No matter how hard I try to drive as careful as I can, I'm bound to wreck the bumper/skirting.

My dreams cracked when the skirting cracked.  Sigh.

Imma gonna need to drive a reckless-proof car.  Anyone who knows a titanium monster truck up for sale, please drop me a message.

'Coz I'm never ever gonna feel the wind in my hair as I speed along the highway in my wicked sport car.

I'm too reckless, just like that.

Like Lady Gaga would say, "Baby, I was born this way."

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Gone Fishin'

Will be back with a brag post :D .

Monday, April 18, 2011

The Story of A Good Muslim Boy

Warning: This post may be deemed sensitive.  Only open minded people are allowed to read this story. Leave now if you think you can't handle it.

Once upon a time, there was a kid name Ali.  Ali was a good kid.  He listened to his parents, and he ate his vegetables.  He did his homework, and he prayed five times a day like any good Muslim.

One day, his class decided to have a play.  It was Romeo and Juliet.  They didn't quite like the ending though.  They wanted to have a happy one.  They decided to keep Romeo and Juliet alive - and let them marry and live happily ever after.

Ali was excited for this play.  He was hoping his clasmates would choose him to become Romeo.  Then his classmates had made a decision.  He was going to be the hero!

He practised his lines every day.  He practised his act in front of the mirror every night.  And when he was not practicing, he helped his classmates paint the backdrop - Juliet's window, Capulet's orchard and of course, the church at Verona.  They were going to have a happy ending, weren't they?

"Oh how beautiful the play is going to be!" Ali thought.  Not only they were staging his favourite play, they were going to make it their own! With a happy ending!

And so the day finally came.  The stage was a masterpiece.  The costumes were magnificent.  Ali read his lines perfectly, acted it out so flawlessly.  "I now pronounce you, husband and wife," said the weird boy who played the priest.  Romeo Ali took Juliet's hand - the curtains then drawn, hence the end of the play.  A surge of emotion flowed through Ali.  He knew right at that moment, this was what he wanted to be.  To be on stage, there's where he belongs.

But his happiness didn't last too long.  He was called by his old, religious teachers.  They told him he had commited a sin.  For helping his friends paint the church backdrop.  For participating in a Christian wedding ceremony act on stage.  He had commited a sin.

Oh how sorry he was for his sin!  He had never intended it to be that way.  He had never ever thought about it at all.  He was still a good Muslim, before, during and after the play.  He knew what was in his heart, by golly, he swear he did!  He was born a Muslim, and he will die a Muslim!  Nothing could shake his faith!  But they told him he had sinned.

And now he is drowning in sorrow and regret.  He had learned his lesson.  If he was going to be a good Muslim, he would have to leave the stage.  The only place that made him feel alive.  Eventhough he knew what's true in his own heart.

So he shut his dream and shoved it aside.  He closed his mind from the beauty of art.  And he prayed.  Prayed for forgiveness.  By golly, he was going to be a good Muslim. 

**However you intepret this story, this post is no way demeaning Islam.   I am just expressing grief on a non-issue that well, became one.  If you feel offended, don't say I didn't warn ya.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

When Loser Meets Absolutely Wicked

Losers.  They're everywhere.

Most of the time, you'd ignore them.

But sometimes, you just want to fuck with their heads to see how much of a bigger loser they can get.

You don't?

Well, I do.

Poor thing didn't know what this 'sayang comel' is capable of.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Shoe Pictionary

Click to enlarge [Source]

And men wonder why we have so many shoes.

Ladies, which one defines you the most?

And men, which one you don't get the most?

Friday, April 8, 2011

How To Take Epic Photos When Going Out Demonstrating

You know our government's pretty fucked up, right? We got sex tapes, 'suicides', male chauvinist pigs, blind moral guides, racists and many more.

But when push comes to shove, we might need to go on demonstrations someday.  Like Egypt.  Though, I guess we are still too much of a coward to go stand for our rights.  Or rather, we fear of being tear-gassed and locked up.  'Coz you know, even the most peaceful candle light vigil protest is considred a 'threat to national security.'

BUT.  If someday we do plan to go on a protest, we gotta look EPIC, right?  Let's see what we can learn from our fellow humans who did just that.

My mama can definitely beat yo' mama's ass

Always remember to come prepared

The police will definitely steer away from you

Kick a bomb or two

Stand in the most dramatic way possible - fires, flames and of course, wear a scarf.

Surf on the sea of police like in a rock concert!

Bring a cow? WHY NOT?!

But this has to be THE. MOST. EPIC. PHOTO. EVER.  Just look at how many fucks he gives.  NONE.

Do a Superman stand, accept the water blast, and look like you're gonna beat the crap out of them for making your favourite sweater your grandmama knit for you wet.

I can assure you that these photos are legit, and you can read their full epic story here.

Or, we can just do our part and let our voice be heard.  

Register as a voter today.  Let's give a fuck to our beloved country Malaysia.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Real Age Test

Have you ever wondered how old your body actually is?

Not the like-duh-just-look-at-my-birth-cert-fool old, but rather the how-much-shit-you-put-your-body-through-or-the-lack-of old.

'Coz there will be a few moments in life when people always guess your age wrongly, or get admiringly shocked when they find out that you look younger than you do, and secretly shocked and cover their tactlessness when they find out that you are older.

People would think you're an old fart when you're still practically staining your pants, and vice versa.

And that's really annoying, right? Or flattering.  Whichever you like.

As for me people would guess almost right.  In the twenties they'd say.  Or they're just too cowardly to say outloud what they think.  But in school I do get mistaken as a student when I'm wearing sports attire -from my cute behind.  Well it's actually from my short hair.  And yeah, they'd just shove me around in a sea of students.  Till I open my mouth.

So this website intrigued me.  It's a Real Age Test site where you can check whether you are older or younger than your chronological age.

The questions revolve from your smoke and alcohol intake, meat and vegetables consunption, exposure to the sun and exercise, how much sleep you get, how often you poop, how stress and happy you are and uh, whether you get  fireworks in 'bed' or you were just faking it all the time.

You may have come across these kind of tests before, but I think it's quite valid and even if it's not, it's just something to kill some time (when you oughta be doing something more important but you just need to procrastinate, you procratinator).

So, how did I do in my Real Age Test? Well, I was a bit nervous as I am not exactly 'clean' inside.  I'm a carnivor who only eats a piece of vegetable leaf in my diet just to 'meet the requirements', only drink water when I'm parched and my bowel movements aren't quite doctor-approved.  In short, I'm a dirty, dirty whore inside.  And need to be detoxed, pronto.  But let me finish my rib-eyed steak downed with ice cold beer first aight.

To my surprise (and delight), the site decided that I'm 7 years younger!  Woohoo!  Now I just have to add one year and tell people to wish me a happy 19th birthday instead of 18th like I always did since I turned alcohol and club legal.

So go surprise yourself.  But if you are one who abuse your body much (alcohol, smoke, overeating), don't be surprised to know that you are a century older.

For those who are younger, congrats! Though you may need to slap on more makeup so that people would take you seriously.  And for those who are old farts...yeaah...I have nothing.

Happy testing!