Friday, December 31, 2010

10 Things To Achieve in 2011


Aah...tomorrow's gonna be a new year.

But to some it's just another day.

Especially those who are cynical about new year's resolutions - those who could only keep it for the first week, start beating themselves up for their failure by the end of the month, totally forgotten what they were gonna change about themselves by the middle of the year, and by the end of the year, they swear they will do good the coming year.  And the cycle continues.

I was one of those people.  Then one day, I decided I don't wanna do resolutions.  'Coz I realised, no matter how hard I try, I can never, ever improve my handwriting.  Ever.  But hey, what can I say - I was born with the hands of a doctor.

So for years now, I never stopped to think of what change I should do, or what should I achieve.

But somehow today, I feel like having resolutions and goals in life.

Perhaps graduating was my ultimate goal - and now I've done that, I needed something more.

So these are the 10 things I need do/get done by the end of 2011:

1. Pass my teaching interview (SPP).  I feel like I'm gonna suck balls 'coz the only part of the newspaper I'm interested in is completing the Sudoku and checking for job vacancies and crazy ads.


2. Get my profession certified and promoted to a full-fledged teacher (after I pass my interview, of course).  This would usually take two to three years, but now I'm in a guinea pig program where the new teachers have to compile shit into a portfolio (pretty much like when I was doing my practical), with the chance of getting certifed in one year's time.



3. Make extra money.  Give tution or something.  Sell some organs.  Anything.  I have turned into a materialistic monster.  I don't need help though.  Just a little bit extra income.  So anyway, if you know anyone who'd like some tutoring in my area, do contact me.  I won't sell their organs, I promise.


4.  Have half of the students in my dumb class to pass their English during their SPM.  Last exam, only ten out forty did.  I just need another ten.  Please.


5. Achieve flawless, blemish-free skin.  I'm 24 but my skin still thinks it's 14.  If you could recommend me a good skincare product for combination/oily skin and it works, I will buy you dinner.


6.  Restrain self from eating too much oily food. And more (the horror!) greens in my plate.  To me, veges are like grass to lions.  So yeah, much luck on that.


7. Go to the gym regularly.  Till the trainer finds out I've been eyeing his tight ass all these while.


8.  Save the world!  By saving the environment of course.  I've made it a habit to refuse plastic bags whenever I can.  But that's all I do.  The next step is to actually shop with those ugly reusable bags for total zero usage of plastic bags.


9. Go bungee-jumping in New Zealand!  Must achieve my life long dream next year.  Not that I don't have other life long dreams like getting married and have kids...BUT TO JUMP OFF A FUCKING CLIFF AND NOT DIE IS INSANE! See you soon Lizee! :D


10.  Continue to be an awesome teacher.  My spirit may have been slightly wrecked when I met my dumb as bread kids, but hey, it's the sick who need a doctor, right?  Gotta work a bit harder next year.


Or the very least, achieve half of what I set to achieve. :D

What's your new year's resolution?

Monday, December 27, 2010

Another year over - What have you done?


So the year is ending.

Wow.

And it only seemed like yesterday when I had a tiny meltdown upon entering 2010.

'Coz it was my last semester ever after 6 years studying (I had to reiterate the period of my course every time, huh?), I was gonna enter class for the first fucking time and oh my god, what if I screw something up (or get screwed really bad - if you catch my drift) that I COULD NOT GRADUATE ON TIME?!

CAN YOU BELIEVE I GOT THROUGH ALL THAT?!

Or, to be less self-centered, CAN YOU BELIEVE YOU GOT THROUGH WHATEVER SHIT THAT CAME YOUR WAY THIS YEAR?!

It's amazing how things work out in the end.

Did I keep to my resolutions and achieve what I sought?

Well, I didn't exactly have new year resolutions nor goals to achieved...

But I did enter class as a fucking teacher for the first time.


I graduated without scabs, broken/paralysed legs or bumps (if you catch my drift).


And I got a job - I became a real teacher.



There were bumps along the way like, how I almost got kicked out of the programme (okay, I may be a little bit dramatic) for having parents of students (which are not mine, thank you very much) making direct complains to the headmistress for having a "seditious blog", facing unruly students whistling like wolves at me like I was walking in my undies when I first got posted (and it continued still till the end of the semester), and of course throwing out students and sadistically ripping their papers in front of them.

But I made it till the end of the year.

I made the overwhelming mindfuck of a transition from student to teacher.

So to quote John Lennon:

So, this is Chrismas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun


What have you done/achieved?

Friday, December 24, 2010

How Much The Stuffs in Twelve Days of Christmas Actually Costs



Last Christmas, I spoilt the Santa Clause Is Coming to Town song for you.

This year, it is going to be The Twelve Days of Christmas.

Well, I'm not exactly going to maim your fantasies of six geese a-laying, but rather, lay out the facts for you.

On how much EXACTLY the person's true love spent on her everyday for the next twelve days of Christmas.

This genius here has already researched and calculated the cost, so I'm just going to summarise it for you.

On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A patridge in a pear tree

Patridge and a pear tree = $40


On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

2 turtle doves = $16


On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

3 French hens = $45


On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

4 calling birds = $1 (bird seeds to lure them in)

[Link]

On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
5 golden rings = $125

 

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
6 geese = $480

On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

6 swans = $4200

On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
 
8 maids milking using a machine = $3320

[Link] 

On the nineth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
9 dancing ladies (stripper/ballroom) = $5000


On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten Lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
10 Lords (hire for a speech, then get them drunk) = $200 000

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten Lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
11 pipers (flutists/bagpipers) =  $2200


On the twelveth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten Lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
12 drummers = $600

Total cost = $216 027
Total cost in MYR = RM669 156.06

So now we know this lover is actually just a rich sweet dumb guy.

Anyway, Christmas is not about whipping out your calculator and calculating the damage done to your wallet buying gifts that will probably be hated or handed down to other people, (sorta), but it is the spirit of giving.  And forgiving, and hoping that person will forgive you for totalling his car when you flash that nicely wrapped shiny box which actually contains a puny two-ringgit-store photo frame at him.

May your Christmas be merry, people.
 

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Stupid Names


I was inspired by Rungitom's post on people referring themselves with dumb names to do this post.

These people are mostly students, whom I'm sure were given pretty, meaningful names by their mother who went through horrific labour. Some are mine, some are friends of theirs who go to other schools that I lazily approved all 'coz I don't give a shit about my second "for students" Facebook profile and some are just creepy people whom I will delete soon when I have the time.

If these teenagers are proud to bear names that are dumb, tacky, and that reflect the total opposite of their personality, then I guess our education system is really screwed.

People, I present to you our future.


And I'm the Queen of England.


Oh wow. I just had diarrhea of glitters and stars and pink hearts.


Sounds nasty - my vagina just twitched.


What does that even mean?


Just cute.


Clearly you are.


Fullblast of what? Dorkness?


We are so proud of you. We really are.


Is that the new Sci-fi-Alien-Starring-A-Heroine-With-Double-Ds? COOL!


You are so cool I wanna throw myself at you, rockstar.


We get it. You have a penis.


You mean that's the name of your dream candy store? Not bad man. Not bad.


You make me want to push you into a giant meat grinder.


What?


Looks great on your resume.


Seriously?


Huh?


That is a GREAT stripper name. Good luck!


I'm sure the Chinese won't be offended.


Why.


Styler huh? Maybe you can do my hair sometime.


Om nom nom.


I'm sure you are.


Don't worry, I'm sure he knows what it means.


I just have no words for this.


Future's pretty bleak, huh?