Monday, November 22, 2010

The Real World

So I've been an actual teacher for like, three months now.

A job that I never thought I would be which in the end, makes me think that I am actually capable of being one.

Thanks to my kids during my teaching practice.  They made me believe I am awesome.

But three months in the 'real world' now, I'm starting to doubt myself.

I don't know how to teach students who are dumb as rocks.

I don't know how to punish incredibly rude students.

I don't know how to motivate students to have a bigger dream in life instead of just dismantling engines in a workshop.

And I don't know how to make them pass their SPM.

I didn't learn this during my teaching practice, nor was it in the books I read.

And I hate it the most when people who don't know shit about being a teacher, judges me, and tells me how pathetic my methods are.

As long as we teachers don't hurt, kill, molest, or rape our students, you don't get to judge our actions because you are not one and stories from your teaching pals ain't gonna make you understand our profession. Kapeesh?

My parents said I have the best job in the world.

I work half day and I get months of holidays.

Sure, IF I don't give a fuck about my kids.

'Coz when you do, the fucking world is on your shoulders.  Their fucking world is on your shoulders.

Maybe I'm still new, maybe I still got lots to learn.

And maybe, I just can't save them all.

But for now, due to this depressing revelation, I'm extremely driven to get my Masters and be a lecturer and leave all this crap behind.

Till I can accept the fact that not everyone can be saved.

By the way, she has the best job in the world.



Momo said...

Was the first comment from a teacher? Wahh...I'd like to watch him/her teach my class, please. Then we'll see who's pathetic at the end of the day.

Memer said...

You just made sound sooooooooo scary!!
Now I am terrified for my teaching practice next year! huwaaaa

Amanda Christine Wong said...

Momo: THANK YOU! And no, she's not. Funny huh.

Memer: oh boy mer, you have no idea. good luck.

DJoker Razgriz Gustav Beouwolf XIII said...

hey, take it easy Amanda. You did the SGM, didn't you? Wait till you see the way they worded the words. Its... just... 'fantastic'.

Kelvin said...

Go be a lecturer then. More pay less nonsense~

Amanda Christine Wong said...

Badi: What. SGM?

Kelvin: Oh i damn right will.

sHeiLa said...

take it easy moi..

you reminded me when i was first posted to my school. I had migrains, BP not stable, always on leave for almost 2 months. My body and soul cannot accept the 'burden' ..huhuhu

What more when the kids called me 'teacher'..*berdiri bulu roma ba* SERIOUSLY!

but then..i guess God has its own agenda and now I'm proud when strangers called me 'teacher' :)

chegu carol said...

I just dunno what to comment. somehow i wanted to side that person who gave you that particular judgement. but, on the other hand...i also know it is not as easy and not everyone can actually take it; the thing being a teacher.

you chart your own path so yeah, you know the way best. kan?

SGM = Standard Guru Malaysia.

Phoebe said...

Gee.. It's really hard to say gurl.. First of all being a teacher IS a great responsibility and contrary to what some people might think, it's not an easy job to do.

You've enjoyed doing it before and now you, well, kinda loathe it right?

There are two things that you can do I think. One is give it time. Being a teacher is an exhausting job both mentally and emotionally and can be overwhelming especially the first year when you are just finding your feet.

Second is apply for transfer. Or go into private schools. Either or, both has it's pros and cons.

I don't deny that being a lecturer would seem like a better option but it does come with it's own challenges, sometimes even the same ones as you are experiencing right now.

Whatever it is, I hope things get better for you.

Amanda Christine Wong said...

Sheila: omg,me too! the 'teacher' calling...hopefully i'll get over this la like u...

carol: oh i don't know...all i know it's not easy and there's gonna be lots of trial and errors and frustration. guess i just have to toughen it out.

phy: when i think of being a lecturer, there are the cons too - longer working hours, probably more paperworks...and i probably would revert to being a teacher! haha. but i don't know. i like teaching, just that sometimes it gets me. and i hate admin work. and i think im the kind of person who cant sit still in one place for too long, i need to get some new perspective. we'll see :)

shamimi haniza said...

babe, apa saja jalan yg u pilih, i sokong u. susah tu memang susah. Tp who know, u rasa 'sikit senang' next year. Gambatte neh cikgu cantik =)

dreamChaser said...

welcome to the real world of educators (kunun).
i dont know about being a teacher..but im surrounded by teachers at home. an they tell me a lot of stories..about their everyday chronicles with the students and teaching. funny..scary..takajut..and bikin katawa pun ada. these students teachers school stories made our home lifely with laughthers and more story2 session with everyone. it made me realized, no matter how hard it is their life as a the end of the day..they actually cherished (in a way) of what they do. :)

relax cigu..ur smart. u'll find ur own way dealing with them.

eh, mcm sa mau buat entry pla sini ni tau.
i'm a lecturer, with a private institution. i live this kind of life too. frustrating..sometimes..but..rewarding.

Anonymous said...

Hi Amanda,

You gonna be okay :) You are right, not all of them can be saved and you're doing your very best to educate them and make them's gotta be from the student itself...back to basics...


Lizeewong said...

Hey manda...It's not the end of the world. I know it is frustrating teaching low proficient students and dealing with misbehaviour in class. But I think sometimes, you just need to accept the fact that you really CAN'T save them all. Cheer up.

NekochanMiruku said...

Aja2 fighty~~ believe in yourself~ you can do it dear ^^V

debrajill said...

i never thought of being a teacher is easy~ that's why I admire all the teachers! I think you doing fine manda~ it is just the early phase~ yeah samantha brown job is my dream job too! i dont know why i end up in my mine.haha.neway you go girl!

Joan said...

the only way to make me sane is self-realization that I can't control everything.

We can do our best to help. But in the end it depends on the students as well.

Kalau sudah tidak mau kana tulung tu, kasi biar saja. We did our part as teachers. Let God handle the rest.

Benedicta*C_J said...

sa sgt stju..i pantang klu org yg x pnh jd cgu mlebih2 ja komen n judge our action. tgu la kalo drg jd cgu n teachg in our schl, teach the worst stud, we'll c hw long they can last. They speak theory, wait til they experience the real life..

Benedicta*C_J said...

sa mo smbg lg komen sa. Evn tho smtm i wish i cud jz strangle d studs, bt at d end of d day, I love my job. I love teaching. D oni thing i hate about teaching profession is d admin stuff. D paper work, report, analysis, this n tat admin mini2 work to be completed. I feel like it took up most of my time and energy. Smpi kdg2 sa rs my p&p terabai ja.

Amanda Christine Wong said...

mimi: thanks. yeah, i believe next year would be 'senang sikit'. to u too :)

nc: i guess so. but it's kinda true. when my student chewed his paper, i was going crazy. when i think of it now, lucu pla rasa. haha. ada juga bright side dia kan :)

acun: thanks :)

Lizee: again. THANK YOU. if i save one pun it's gonna make a lot of difference, kan. :D

nekocahan miruku: haha. thanks hon!

debrajill: ya lo. still early ba ni to complain. hehe. gosh, i wish i could swap jobs with her, don't u? :D

Joan: betul jg. if they themselves dont want to learn, pa blh buat la kan. bagus lagi u help those who really want to help themselves.

carol: haha...ko pun rasa kan. oh my god, i forgot to mention that i ABSOLUTELY HATE admin work! grrr

Benedicta*C_J said...

i TOTALLY & ABSOLUTELY agree wit u!

Melancholic Fool said...

It is just that, I have been teaching only tuition classes and itu pun dah penat, cant imagine of having to be an employee in a school and also teach the pupils...

Yeah, but sometimes it might not seem as a easy as people pictures it kan... so, we just have to experience for ourselves...

Relieving class in St. Joseph had made me given up on this job already, belum praktikal for three months..

Just become a lecturer Amanda... but dont be one in UPM, you have to do a lot of research then...

fingerscrossed said...

I agree

It's not an easy job
and I feel tense every single day

but I have to be strong
in order to teach these kids how to survive

I hope that I'm doing a great job...