Saturday, September 18, 2010

There's 5 More Cute-Proof Poses For Your Facebook! (So Nobody Remembers Friendster Anymore And All Are In Facebook...But So Are Your Parents!)


What, there's MORE you ask?

OF COURSE THERE'S MORE!

We ABSOLUTELY have to reach that 5000 friends limit in our Facebook, right?!

Strangers, rapists, killers, pedophiles, hobos, and toe fetishes HAVE to be added on our Facebook!

But why would they wanna add you if you're not cute, right?

Especially if Lesson 1 and Lesson 2 didn't help you at all - it's your bad, not mine!

So here I am, to help you once again, my dear friend who has insecurity issues.

1. The Bieber Pose


- Pout your lips and squint your eyes a bit to achieve that fierce, I-want-to-eat-you-up look.
- Do a Peace sign and put it near your face like in the previous tutorials. Now turn it upside down.
- Grab a your little brother's cap and cock it to the side.
- Gym clothes are preferable for this shot.

**I learned this pose when I started mixing with a bunch of hormonally-charged sixteen year old girls. This pose is really named the "Bieber". Or rather, they named it and made me do it when we pose for our class photo. Now this is a rare pose, and you probably never see anyone do this for their profile picture, but the reason I'm guiding you on how to this is simply because...WHO DOESN'T LOVE A 20 YEAR OLD LESBIAN?! *SQUEAL!*

And since she is so hot since Ellen Degeneres, you must know how to do this, especially when you're fishing for some pussy love.

2. The I-Smell-Roadkill Pose


- Go take a drive around town, or preferably at the outskirts of town.
- Chances are you will find something dead on the road.
- Take a big sniff of it and flash the camera at your disgusted face.
*If there's no roadkill to be found, make one. Remember that neighbour with their annoying chickens pooping at your driveway?
*If you're generally a nice person, just scrunch your nose and lips together.

Okay, for the next poses, you have to go back and review the guide that I gave you previously. 'Coz the next three poses are like, the Level 3 of the basic poses.

Done?

Let's go.

3. The Japanese-Girl-Ghost-Who-Just-Wanted-To-Be-Loved Pose


- You will need a pair of contact lenses that makes your iris as huge as a motherfucker.
- Strike ANY of the poses that you have learned.
- If contact lenses are not available, use MS Paint to recreate that 'big eye' look.
*certain MS Paint skills needed

4. The Blurred Pose



- Strike ANY of the poses that you have learned.
 - You will need certain skills in Adobe Photoshop.
- As long as you know how to blur a photo, you're good to go.

5. The Artsy-Photo Pose


- Now this pose needs more work done. More skills on Adobe Photoshop are needed.
- Strike ANY of the poses that you have learned.
- Misspell all the words that you want to use e.g. Girl - Gurl.
- Add stuffs that are not on your face e.g. ribbons, blushing cheeks.
- Most importantly, go ape wild with the colour pink.
- Wearing the 'big eyes' lenses is definitely a plus.
- Or just go to MS Paint.

**Hot tip: Knowledge is power. Master your Photoshop skills for more photos that don't look like you, AT ALL!

So peeps, do let me know if this guide has been any help to you at all. Oh wait, I'll probably just read about you in the papers when you get murdered or something by a creepy guy you met on Facebook :)

19 comments:

Rungitom said...

At first I was like :| but then I XD

Too much Bieber effects these days?, wonder if it will be the same if his voice is like Horatio Caine someday.

♥ AnnieMing ♥ said...

Manda, sa pinjam link ko, buli ka? I wanna post this at my sister's & brothers' FB!

Jessica Lyne said...

Woman, you are pure genius. Off to tweet this! hahaha

Santafire said...

no.3 paling sa malas tingu. byk btul budak buat. aish.

Mack the Dagger said...

mandaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa wakkakakak soooo farrrneyy lah all the lessons!

i do admit im a camwhore too. tapi tak taw lah if i EVER did any of those poses u just posted. mcm feel retarded pulak ahahhahahahha.

anyway PURE EFFING BRILLIANT! just love it. j'etaime <3 <3

Mack the Dagger said...

mandaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa wakkakakak soooo farrrneyy lah all the lessons!

i do admit im a camwhore too. tapi tak taw lah if i EVER did any of those poses u just posted. mcm feel retarded pulak ahahhahahahha.

anyway PURE EFFING BRILLIANT! just love it. j'etaime <3 <3

Dean@Sam said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mimi said...

I dont get all that!! Especially that painting face part and mis-spelling words! Hahaha

Phoebe said...

These cute-proof poses posts of yours cracks me up every time.. Nice one.. Love the Bieber pose.. Hahahaha...

Daniel Chiam said...

whahahahahahaha that last one was like OMIGOSH SUPER KAWAIII! lol dang... great post manda great post.

Amanda Christine Wong said...

Rungitom: TOO MUCH! Then the older girls (and guys) would go for him!

Annie: hahaha...sure! ada la kena buat group anti my blog ni by a bunch of kids...haha

Jess: Why thank you very much :D

Santafire: I know, right?! ergh.

Max: Nah, I never see u done this poses...U don't need them baby! ;)

Mimi: ba, kanak2 kan suka mewarna...hahaha

Phy: THANKS! Now sing it! XD

Daniel: sangkyu daniel-san! XD

sHeiLa said...

haahaha..budak budak ba manda~

nc said...

hahaha..lovely! memang cute-proof pose :)

Kelvin said...

The 3rd pic looks very scary~~

Amanda Christine Wong said...

Sheila: i know! haha

nc: teehee...thanks! :D

kelvin: well, arent all the girls now? XD

chegu carol said...

Adoiii dogo! Hahahaha...I prefer the one you did before, at least itu cute2 lagi...yg ini...hahahaha...sungguh sadis.
But then again, if I am a teenager now, that probably what im gonna post on my FB profile pic...suka mau ikut trend kan kalau urg muda darah panas....muahahaha.

Amanda Christine Wong said...

Carol: right?! Bet they'll be embarrassed about it someday XD

epica.tapusco said...

I caught you off the random search, love this post, thanks for not being a baby picture posting maniac

Amanda Christine Wong said...

epica.tapusco: thanks for dropping by :)