Dear Madam Amanda,
Uh, I assume you're married to the guy I'm dating now? No? Or are you...still a Miss? If you're not married you'd be get your ass hitched now as your students (and new teachers/trainees) will call you a 40 Year-Old-Virgin. Like you did before.
Anyway, Amanda from the past just wants to make sure that 20 years from her time now, you are still as awesome and hot as she is right now. Please make sure you keep your fashion sense up-to-date, but I'm begging you to not dress like your daughter! If you have a daughter, that is. And our daughter better be hot and be breaking every teenage boys' heart. What I'm saying is, don't turn into those marmish teachers - wear fugly courtshoes, every clothes in your closet is either black, white or grey, or plaids and wool, and wear your hair exactly like when you woke up this morning. And I'm not talking about the sexy bed hair. You don't get to have the sexy bad hair anymore. Let me try to get that right, now. Also, keep up with the pedicures 'coz you know our feet ain't a pretty sight. It would look horrific at your age now. So please, save your loved ones from such sight.
Secondly, now that you are forty, it doesn't mean you have to act like an old fart. Don't be a bitter bag. Don't hate on the new, hot young teachers or trainees who come to your school. Don't be bent on finding if they have blogs and hatch up an evil plan to expose their hard partying and obscene ways. You were once like them. I hope you're not anymore now, though. You'd seriously embarrass our daughter. And also, as much as you hate them, especially those confused wide-eyed teacher trainees, promise me you won't drop a call at their learning institution complaining "these teachers are pretty - they will be a pain in the ass". 'Coz grandma, that is so not cool. Remember, you were ONCE like them.
Now, I hope you're still using our by-the-book ridiculous teaching method? The set-induction-presentation-practice-production-closure method? Because as much as I hate doing it just for the sake of not failing my practical, I find that it ACTUALLY works. It is not ridiculous after all. The genius who came up with this method is indeed, a genius. Because if you stop teaching 'by the book', you'll be JUST THE SAME like the other teachers who drop everything that they have learned in their teacher training college as soon as they got their first official teaching job. You will be just like any other teachers who don't write their plans. 'Coz I'm telling you - the reason students love teacher trainees? It's because they are NOT like their everyday teachers. The rules that we hate and we have to slave ourselves doing are the rules that make us better teachers. So please, don't ever stop having especially a set induction and production stage in your class. 'Coz most of the time, that is what students are looking forward for in your lesson. And that's why you rock.
And lastly, like I said earlier, I hope you are still as awesome and hot as I am now. Look like a damn cougar for all I care, as along as you keep yourself looking pleasant for your students' eyes. Don't ever, ever stop reading College Humour and Cyanide and Happiness, and listening to Hitz.fm so that you'll never be lost in the currents of change, trends and absolute wickedness - no matter how old you are. And be humble and ready to listen to your younger colleagues for new teaching methods out there so that you would not be a living dinosaur. And of course, if you're still not married at this age, don't touch your students no matter how bad you want to, you pedo.
And of course, I hope you're still running Absolutely Wicked so that you can read this piece of junk every now and then. I want to haunt you till you die to make sure you'll never lose your soul in this god-forsaken profession. And if you are actually reading this blog post from the past, that means you have already found the loophole that I'm searching for now, fucked the system, made bloody history and be legendarily awesome.
Also, the internet has not collapsed and the world hasn't ended.