Friday, October 30, 2009

The Wholesales Virgin


Hi, I'm Amanda.

I'm a wholesales virgin.

Today I broke my wholesales virginity.

I thought I could handle myself with poise and rationale.

But I went crazy instead.

I had to borrow my class fund (I'm the treasurer for my class) to satisfy my uncontrollable lust for expensive-things-that-miraculously-become-fucking-cheap and I left the building with only RM2 to spare. Luckily there was a shopping mall within a 100m radius.

If you're a a wholesales virgin like I was, take my word, you do not want to have RM2 left in your wallet and the ATM machine keeps rejecting your card. No matter how bad you want to buy everything from the sales because it's just too fucking cheap not to buy it.

The wholesales was for L'Oreal, Maybelline and Garnier. Everything costs less than half than they are in retail. Fuuuck...

This is what I was possessed to buy:


And all these babies costs RM105. FUCKING ONLY!

It would've cost roughly round RM250.

I'm gonna sleep with them tonight so that when I wake tomorrow morning, I'll open my eyes to them and see that I didn't dream going to a wholesale sales today and spent peanuts on expensive drugstore makeup.

For those who are in Johor Bahru and would like to get super fucking ass cheap branded makeup and skincare, head to The Grand Paragon Hotel. The sales is only till the 1st of November.

And yes, Cohort 3 B. Ed 2, I WILL replace the money I've unconsciously used and I promise not to dishonour my job as a trusty treasurer and please do choose me as your treasurer again for next semester 'coz it's very convenient for times like these. You still do trust me right? Right?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

World's Strongest & Probably Scariest Kid To Poke Around With


This world is full of odd people. More often downright sick and wrong.

5 year olds are meant to be cute and chubby. Taking candies from them are supposed to be easy.

But not with this little guy. I mean boy.

Meet Giuliano Stroe, world's strongest kid according to Guinness Book of World Records.


Okay Stroe, no homework for you today! Here're some candies. Take it, take it all!

Guys, you might as well cut your balls off, string it together and hang it round this kid's neck. 'Coz this is total ownage.

Check this siiick vid:



He's definitely the epitome of a Spartan boy. Wait, Romania wasn't originally called Sparta, right?

And he's definitely the epitome of a kid who will grow up to be a suicidally depressed weirdo; or if he does manage to still have a normal childhood, he'll be the one taking other kids' lunch money.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Free the animals!


There are numerous campaigns out there urging people to save the endangered species of the world since the Dodo bird died. Which is good. Especially pandas. How can you not love pandas?

But the ironic thing is, has nobody ever thought of saving wild animals from the steel cages of a zoo?

People all over the world are advocating to save the wild life; and by catching the last survivors a certain species and putting them in a zoo for human display, they considered their job done. Hey, we can facilitate their breeding and make more of 'em so they won't go extinct! We are Gods!

Okay, consider this. Say Ardi, the oldest human ancestor was found...alive! He and a female Ardi. They are of course considered endangered 'coz if they die, Darwinian believers will mourn the death of the very evidence of their existence, and the Christians will raise their praise to God.

So what better way to keep them alive? Lock them up in a human zoo of course! And force them I mean facilitate their breeding so that they will be a new generation of Ardis. And we can watch them everyday till they evolve into retarded Homo sapiens like us!

Wrong, no? That applies exactly the same on animals.

Which brings my point to a hopeful news I read today on thestar.com.my:



“Wild animals belong in the wild. An animal who lives a long and healthy life but dies in the wild is not worse off than animals who spend all their lives pacing in enclosures.”

I'm not a fan of Amber Chia, nor am I fan of Peta's exploition of women's body ("I'd rather go naked than wear fur") poster campaigns to champion their cause. Or tapping into men's sexual realms to date women who are vegetarians by screening the Super Bowl ad of hot women treating your everyday greens as sex objects. It's probably the easiest way to sell your cause. And also by feeding the vanity of celebrities.

But whatever. As long as they think using Amber Chia's face to make people believe that putting animals in captive for their entertainment is bad, I'm all for it. Plus I think the image above sends a pretty strong message, doesn't it? 'Cept that she has a really weird, unhuman/tiger-like stance.

I admit I'm not much of an animal lover and I love my bacon. But I just can't stand seeing animals being kept in cages.



"Dude, are we in the Amazons already?"
"Bro, you're so high...I want some of them tranquilizer shit too"


Friday, October 23, 2009

The Day My Hostel's Clothes Line Got Cleared Up


Why do you think there's no clothes being hung at Amanda's hostel?



A. Underwear thieves decided to pull a bigger heist.

B. The building has been evacuated. I repeat. The building. Has. Been. Evacuated.

C. Free Laundry Day! Everyone in this block won a voucher for free laundry at Sya's Laundry, Larkin Johor Bahru.

D. Naked Week! No need to do laundry for a week! Woohoo!

E. Amanda decided to set everyone's clothes on fire due to stress. You can't see the burning clothes from this side.

G. There's a new rule being implemented: NO HANGING CLOTHES ON THE CLOTHES LINE.

F. BPG (Bahagian Pendidikan Guru) is coming to visit! They can't see you living like a squatter! It looks messy, undisciplined and so unteacher-like. Very bad for image. Quick, hide your clothes!


It really is a weird day today, not seeing any clothes being hung at my hostel.

Hey, what's this...


Looks like the Clothes Clear Up Inspector missed a spot. Save yourself, Shirt!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Would you survive Bendera's attack?


So an Indonesian extremist nationalist group wants to attack us. When was that again? The 8th of October? And then postponed to the 9th? How come there's no bloodshed yet? Oh, wait. It was actually anytime between the 8th and 22nd of October. Holy shit! It's today!

What would you do when they attack? Would you survive? Answer the two questions below to find out:


1. When Bendera (Benteng Demokrasi Rakyat) seizes your mode of transportion while driving back to work, you will:

A. Pee your pants and beg for mercy.
B. Pee your pants out of hilarity and mockingly beg for mercy.



2. What will be your genius strategy when dealing with your captors?

A. Feign loyalty to them to save your ass.
B. "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em". 'Coz joining a national threat is waaay fun than just firing malicious comments about the government on the internet.



Your results:

Mostly As
You'll go to the Indonesian jail 'coz you kantoi.

Mostly Bs
You'll get detained under ISA for treason and enemy provocation.




Both As and Bs for both questions
You'll get stabbed by bamboo sticks and burned on a stake 'coz anyway, you stole their song, culture and mistreat their people in Malaysia. Yes, you. Even though you sit on your ass whole day completely oblivious with what's going on in your country and that you were bestfriends with your Indonesian maid's son when you were six.

On a more serious side, just be careful wherever you are. It may or may not be true, but it doesn't hurt to keep vigilant. And stay away from bamboo weilding people. Eventhough they are white little people. It could be a decoy.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

How spontaneity can fuck you up


We make plans, we stick to it. We have schedules to meet, routines to follow.

This need to be in control is probably one of the contributors that dulls our life. 'Coz there's no more excitement in your life anymore. Everything's planned. Everything's need to be executed as scheduled. Your need to be in control is so strong, you are afraid to be spontaneous. You are afraid to take unknown risks as it might fuck your life up. But it does spice up your boring life.

However, it can also really fuck you up, so your paranoia is true.

I just made one spontaneous decision yesterday.



Now I wish I hadn't.

For it turned out to be one big fat expensive mistake.

See, I wanted this hair since like, forever.



This is what I went home with:


Plus RM300 poorer.

FML.
FML.
FML.
FML.
FML.

I wanted to set this salon on fire for its glittery false promises.



Digital perm my ass. Go back to your hair dressing school lah. Or go lecture for an advertising course on how to trick and lie to your clients.

But then again, after much ranting, whining, setting them on fire in my head and talking to people who did digital perms before, or knows anyone who did it, I learned one thing.

There's no such thing as being able to achieve huge, bouncy permanent curls by doing a digital perm. I know four people who did it, and only one managed to get that wonderful, dreamy curls. So it's basically a luck thing and probably your hair texture.

And this is what an internet article says about it:

The digital perm is a renovation of an old idea. One of the earliest methods of “permanent waving” used metal rods through which electric current was run to heat them, with chemical solutions applied in order to create “permanent waves” in the hair. The process was cumbersome, and often severely damaging to the hair.

FML.

This is one example how spontaneity can fuck you up.

So, when was the last time you did something spontaneous and it fucked/did not fuck up your life?

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Google is judgmental!


Oh yes they are!

They are judgmental in their Google search:

They are also mean to men with ejaculation problem, baby animals and they also have a problem with policemen.

They are also very judgmental based on their ads. These are from this very blog:

"You ought to be ashamed of yourself!" ~ Cikgu Google

Google must think I'm a really, really sick English teacher. I'm not looking for embarrassing, fun items!...Really...

How judgmental! :(

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

One reason not to hire me in your school


My recent ELT Methods test:



What would be the best caption for this photo?

a. Amanda zones out in class again.
b. Amanda was high.
c. Amanda vomitted the wrong list she memorized for this test.
d. Amanda's brain cells declined in number since she came back to IPTI.
e. Amanda just didn't give a fuck.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

The Almost Teacher Experience


Last week, we were thrown into a school environment for five days. We are to observe teachers, collect useless data, mingle around, and basically, see what it’s like to be in school. We’ve all been to school before, but this time, it’s different. You become one of them – the teachers. Uber weird.

But I don't wanna...

I got into an all-boys school. AN ALL-BOYS SCHOOL. Let’s just call that school SMK G.I. Joe – I promised the principal, Mr. Love, to protect its privacy. And yes, that’s his real name. I kid you not. And you do not want to know what comes before that.



It was really interesting to see what four hot, young female teachers can do to 500 boys who are deprived of the fairer sex of their age.

It was bedlam.

It almost felt like a mass adulation of a goddess where even an unmet attention could break a boy’s heart.

Or like a mass verbal sexual harassment when you visit a prison cafeteria full of prisoners whose only source of sexual gratification is by sticking their wang up to their cellmate's butt.

Depends on how you look at it.

But I kinda like it there. Not because of their undying attention we get though (well, maybe just a tinsy winsy bit for ego-boosting on an ugly day). But for what we can actually, maybe do for this school.

‘Coz this school is a mess.


ETR is the expected target of students passing, made by the big guns (those of above the headmaster). And TOV is the reality – the actual number of student’s passing. And if this isn’t messed up enough, the PMR students' ETR is 65%. The TOV? 7.7%. This is probably the worst school in JB.

Besides having to be made answerable to the big gun’s massively blind expectations of the school, the teachers here are struggling to even teach them how to read, write and count, and to make sure they come to school, or not get into fights, or not getting suspended or expelled.

Speaking of expulsion, it has become a norm in this school. Due to the education policy that one school cannot deny a student’s right to register, SMK G.I. Joe has been kicking out students and taking back them in like an ex you can’t get rid of. And they receive with open arms expelled students from other schools, ‘coz they don’t have a choice.




Some never entered class after that, and only show up during their PMR or SPM.

Bottom line: this place is not for rookie teachers, especially babies like us.

But like I said, I kinda like it here. The teachers are nice and won’t give you a hard time. The Joes here may be wild, raucous, lazy, rude and horny, but I think for good reasons. They’re just kids from broken families who craved for a little love and attention. And the numbers may show that they are just a bunch of retards who most probably will end up pushing drugs for a living, but I can see (from my classroom observation) that they are not entirely stupid. They just need a little push.

Maybe if I sit like this the teacher will think I'm paying attention...

The Penolong Kanan told us, “If you can handle SMK G.I. Joe, you can handle any schools.”

I’d like to come back here for my practical. I’d take the risk of getting a sadistic lecturer whose only sworn objective is to destroy me and my grades.

‘Coz I think the experience will be worth it.

That is, if I don’t die in the process.

Here’s a short footage of the Joes on our last day:




Or maybe I'm just being a dreamer, thinking I could save the world by helping these kids.

Geez, the ridiculous plot of Heroes Season 3 is really messing with my head now.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

I'm a winner!


See, I rarely win something by chance.

So when a beauty blogger, Chris, announced that I'm the winner of her 100th post giveaway, it practically made my oh-so-mundane day.

This is what I'll be checking in my letter box soon (well, my dad's actually, at the local post office):



Though I've never heard of these products before, screw it - I'm a winner and the other participants can suck it! :D