Monday, August 31, 2009

17 again. Groan.


Would you wanna be 17 again?

If you'd be as hot as Zac Efron, maybe you would.

Unfortunately, puberty has never been kind.

To me. And it's back. And it is totally fucking up the natural cycle deal - they say you'll stop having acne after 21.

Well, say hello to 17 year old me:



Like, what gives?!

Hormones? IPTI environment? Curse of the Moon Crate Girl?

I'm just grateful God created humans to be smart and vain enough to invent makeup. And Photoshop.



Else I'll be walking around campus like this:




Hopefully I'll turn 21 next month and stop shocking people with my bare face.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Rubik's Cube


Remember that colourful cube that you only get to see people solve it with awe, and daren't try solving it yourself because you thought it's only meant for geniuses?

Here's a wiki trivia for y'all:

The Rubik's Cube is a 3-D mechanical puzzle invented in 1974 by Hungarian sculptor and professor of architecture Erno Rubik. He sought to find a teaching tool to help his students understand 3D objects.

35 years later, it's still a big hit among school students, collegians and working adults.

And 23 years later, I'm finally able to solve it and have earned the Genius Bragging Right (Platinum).

It all started when Mimi brought one to class and started teaching us, whoever wanted to learn to be a genius. And so it spread like wildfire. Everyone wanted to be a genius. Next thing I know, half of the class earned their own personal Genius Bragging Right.

Suddenly I don't feel so much of a genius after all. But my Platinum Genius Bragging Right is still valid among those who haven't solved it.

'Coz I realised, we've been fooled all along. Rubik's Cube has always been associated with geniuses, but I can swear to you even a person raised by wolves will be able to solve this puzzle cube, granted he or she is not colour blind. So if you have never been able to solve it, you don't have to feel so bad.

See, you don't have to be a genius to solve it.

You just need good eye and hands coordination. And of course, you can't be colour blind. And a good memory will earn you the Platinum Genius Bragging Right.

It took me a while though to learn it, like, I needed a couple of days to be able to complete the whole thing. Either I have REALLY bad coordination or Mimi suck at teaching. But I eventually graduated from her school of Rubik's Cube and earned a Platinum Genius Bragging Right so whatever it is, she's awesome and I'm awesome too.

So, if you think that 'magic' cube might highlight your dumbness, it won't. It's all a lie. Anyone can solve it, even Mowgli.

***

Bragging Right Levels

**Genius Bragging Right:
Able to solve the puzzle, by looking at the formula



**Platinum Genius Bragging Right:
Memorized formula, and can solve the puzzle in less than 5 minutes



**Super Freakin' Genius Bragging Right:
Memorized formula, and can solve the puzzle in less than 60 seconds



**You-Must-Stab-This-Person-For-He-Is-God-Awesome Genius Bragging Right:
Memorized formula, and can solve the puzzle in less than 30 seconds either blindfolded or using only his or her feet


Sunday, August 23, 2009

If You Were Rich


Would you drink a RM17 Starbucks coffee every morning,
instead of your 3 in 1 Nescafe?
Would you dine at a swanky hotel,
instead of that koptiam you have your lunch at everyday?
Would you shop at Starhill Gallery,
and never enter a flea market again?
Would you buy a pair of Jimmy Choos,
without feeling any financial pain?
Would you sign up for that designer fitness center,
instead of going for a free jog?
Would you even quit your current,
blood squeezing, hellish job?
Would you stay in a fabulous 5 star hotel when traveling,
instead of going backpacking like you always wanted to?
Would you now have to donate millions to charity,
instead of shying away from beggars who approach you?
Would you fly all over to New York to catch a broadway show,
instead of staying home to watch HBO?

And finally, would you lose your soul, with all those money on tow?


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Embracing Modernity In A Really, Really Bad Way


My institute's administrative building entrance:



My institute's administrative building entrance and the rest of the building:



What would be the perfect caption for this photo?


a. The students' I mean Government's money is well used for improving the state of the old buildings.

b. A harmonious fusion of modern and classic architecture.

c. An example of how a detachable entrance would be perfect for welcoming the menteri-menteri who comes to visit virtually any dilapidated building (wheels not included).

d. There's nothing odd or out of place in this photo, you exaggerating drama queen.

e. Just totally, completely, mind-blowingly awesome photoshop!

Prove That Cats Are Aliens


GEORGIA CAT GETS G.E.D

MACON, Ga. -- Oreo the cat spends her days doing typical cat things and some not so typical. She enjoys sitting with her owner Kelvin Collins and reading the newspaper.

"Oreo's a really smart cat... She keeps up with current events," said Collins.

Oreo's so smart, she has something many people don't: a G.E.D. She got her diploma from Jefferson High School Online. Collins took the test for her, but found out it doesn't take a genius to pass.

"I realized if you miss a question, it's going to come back and give you a hint that tells you exactly what the answer is," he said.

With the extra help, Oreo got mostly A's. Some of her credits came from a life experience essay where Collins wrote about Oreo's adoption into the family.

"She always lands on her feet and that's one of the things that I put."

He says he hardly lied on the application.

"I did lie about one thing. You have to be 18 to take the test and Oreo is only two, but that could be 18 in cat years. Who knows?" he said.

Janet Kelly with Middle Georgia Technical College in Warner Robins says true GED programs don't give clues to the test answers and don't give credits for life experience.

"Obviously the value of a GED from a place like this has no worth whatsoever," she said about Jefferson High.

Collins actually works for the Better Business Bureau and did the experiment to expose diploma mills. He says Jefferson High School Online is based in St. Kitts, a small country in the Caribbean.

"You can have a diploma in just a few weeks if you're willing to spend the money... The problem is it's not going to be a diploma you're going to be able to take to a job or take to another college... So you just end up wasting your money."

Oreo's diploma cost $200, although she hasn't found a job yet.

"Even a cat can get a high school diploma if they just go to the right places."

Collins says a school that gives a GED to a cat is the wrong place for a human to get theirs.

We contacted Jefferson High School Online and asked them about Oreo's diploma. They did not respond. The web site is not connected to any real Jefferson High Schools.

Collins says some red flags that identify a diploma mill include degrees or diplomas awarded based on life experience, a guarantee you will receive a degree or diploma within a few days or weeks and an address for administration buildings including P.O. boxes or suite numbers.

- 10connects.com


**GED = General Education Development tests are a group of five subject tests which (when passed) certifies that the taker has American or Canadian high school-level academic skills.


This proves that:
  1. Aliens do exist.
  2. Aliens come in the form of a cat.
  3. The reason humans are easily manipulated by cats is because of their high IQ brain manipulating alien power.
  4. The main objective aliens come to earth as cats is to annoy humans who are immune to their manipulation alien power.
  5. The owner of the cat is a perfectly rational human. Whose brain is eaten and controlled by his pet cat alien.

Monday, August 17, 2009

The Malaysian Race-less Dream


I have a notion, of a way to probably, maybe, lessen racial discrimination.

By removing the 'race' column from all types of forms. By doing that, they can't tell who and who is and what race they are, right? A Malay anak datuk won't get a scholarship because they don't know that he or she is a Malay, an academically eligible Chinese can get into matriculation, an underprivileged Indian can get government scholarships and a Kadazan/Iban would have to work as hard as the other races to pay off his or her house loan. More equality to it, don't you think so?

Today, my wish has come true: the Cabinet has decided to drop it from official forms.

For one moment there, I'm beginning to believe that our government has realised that playing the racial card is not the way to go and by actually walking their 1Malaysia talk, they can regain the rakyats trust.

Till they decided that "some forms will continue to have the category in relation to special privileges for Bumiputras".

What will be the difference, then? That there will be no discrimination between the Chinese and Indians?

And yes, I acknowledge that the Bumiputras have special privileges to aid them in achieving a better life quality.

But what if they are already born filthy rich and of high status? Do they still get these privileges?

Aren't doctors suppose to treat the sick, and only the sick?

Alas, it had only been a wishful thinking.

Bad Publicity


"There's no such things as bad publicity except your own obituary" - Brendan Behan, Irish author and dramatist (1923-1964)

Britney Spears did it. Lindsay Lohan did it. Michael Jackson did it.

Why did they do it? Why did Britney shave her head? Why did Lindsay call the photogs to take her photos drunken? Why did MJ change his whole physical appearance and dangle his child out of a balcony?

Their stardom was dying. They wanted to stay relevant. They needed to stay relevant. Whatever it takes.

If you had a choice, would you be the nice, down-to-earth person but forever remaining as an irrelevant wallpaper; or would you be the messed-up, complete bitch, but forever being the hot topic talk of the town?

'Coz like Mr. Behan said, there's no such thing as bad publicity.

And I do believe that. Heck, the badder you are, the bigger you're superstardom status.

Maybe initially these people craved just for an ounce of attention. But being nice and making wise choices in life are not enough to peel them off the wall. They will soon be forgotten.

But once these wallpapers are being tarnished with garish colours and graffiti screaming out profanities, who wouldn't want to stop and stare? Who wouldn't want to talk about them? Hence, mission accomplished. Nobody will ever forget them.

As long as they remain within earth's radar, it's okay to be a douche.

However, when it comes to your obituary, it will be a whole different thing.


Friday, August 14, 2009

Going Brazillian!


Not that kind of Brazillian!

Hah, gotcha!

Mind you readers seeking for some wicked pleasure from me today because, I'm trying my hand on beauty blogging, fueled by my need to be vain and imposing my vanity on you. Men, you might want to skip this post as you'd be reading cryptic along the way. Unless you are gay or metrosexual. Or just curious. I won't judge you, I promise :D

So from today onwards, I will officially be one tanned babe.

And no, it doesn't involve me frolicking on the beach.

Let's just say...sometimes, buying the right, no, perfect foundation for your face is not really an easy task to do?

See, I've been wanting to replace my L'Oreal mineral foundation as it is:

a. One shade lighter than my skin tone.
b. It uses a brush applicator, so achieving an even sweeping is difficult.
c. The brush is not so fine and its bristles would drop on my face.
d. Consisting of 'good minerals' as it is, I still do get break outs like an adolescent.
d. And my face will be oily in two hours' time.

I'm a cheapskate, hence I've been using this foundation for two years now to get my money's worth. But now, it is finishing and a huge amount has escaped through a cracked crevice, I finally have an excuse to get a different foundation to try.

I'm a cheapskate, but I have been heavily indoctrinated by those women's magazines that I must own a make up that costs as much as my half month's food expenditure. Damn glossy pages.

So, I've been doing lots of research on foundations these past few days. I don't want to end up starving myself for buying a complete rip off item. Or with those five problems I mentioned above again.

Therefore yesterday, I ended up buying this:


And no, I didn't do research on this item. I just trusted what that aunty sales assistant said.

She tested the foundation on me using the DARKEST shade and that it is the perfect shade for me. Am I that tanned that she had to choose the darkest shade ?? I whimpered silently.

But definitely, I was sold. It does seem to be the perfect shade for me. And it covers well. But she chose the darkest shade... There was a tinge of worry as I whipped out my wallet to pay for beauty.

TODAY

My tinge of worry turned into a full blown paranoia.

I checked myself in the mirror at least every 15 minutes, trying to convince myself that it does suit my skin tone and that I only look darker because I've been using a foundation that is lighter for two years. Over and over again. And I want to believe so badly that it doesn't look like a chocolate pancake on my face but that it actually looks almost, almost look like my skin tone.

Because when you're makeup costs half of your monthly expenditure on food...and it doesn't deliver, or you have made a mistake of judgment...Sigh.

This is how Brazilian I could get:


Okay, based on this photo, you might think I'm just exaggerating my situation, like those skinny bitches who think they're fat. 'Coz in photos, it doesn't look so bad (thank you, God) but in the flesh, you will notice the difference.

And here's where I bitch about this product:

1. It doesn't deliver like how it should: My face got oily after two hours and my sweat penetrated it.
2. It has a pink undertone to it, so it is not suitable for olive-skinned babes like me. Or maybe I just chose the wrong shade. No, the aunty of a sales assistant chose for me.
3. And no, it doesn't last for 8 hours. Liar!

BUT, it is much finer, and glides easier than the L'Oreal foundation, and provides medium coverage to my acne scarred forehead.

So for the next two years, I'll be going "Brazillian" and accept the fact that for the next two years, people would look at me incredously when I say, "No, I'm not Malay, I'm Chinese."

And to stop checking myself in the mirror and wonder how much of a big makeup faux pas I have made.


**Vain as the writer is, she used the term "Brazillian" only as a euphemism and to make her feel better. Though she could get delusional sometimes.

Monday, August 10, 2009

One day without the internet


Yesterday was a bad day.

A depressing day, if you must.

My laptop decided to eff with me.

My broadband became 'inactive' and my Mozilla just didn't work like it should.

In short, I was completely cut off from the happier, cooler world called Cyber. Earth is so 90's.

I felt so helpless.

Not to be able to connect with other people outside the perimeter of my hostel.

Not to able to get the latest news and goss.

Not to be able get 2-D visual audio entertainment.

It was...so hard.

It felt so...empty.

It kills me not to be able to update my Facebook status, to check out what the other bored people are doing there, to read about how the government pisses off the rakyat again, about which celebrity got busted by the cops again, to stalk the bloggers I follow, to watch Streeter Seidell be wicked, and so so so much more.

BUT THANK GOD today my laptop glitch got fixed, somehow.

So I surfed my ass off, trying to catch up with everything that has happened yesterday that I have missed.

Oddly, I didn't miss that much. For example, I only missed one daily comic on explosm.com and Perez has only updated three pages of celeb news.

So why did it felt like I haven't been online for an eternity?

Then it dawned upon me.

I'm screwed.

I'm officially an internet addict.


Friday, August 7, 2009

AirAsia: The World's Best Suckiest Airline


I got effed up again by this airline.

For the 368374867th time.

I spent the last 5 years getting delayed half of the time I traveled back and forth home and college.

Sometimes they are nice enough to call you.

Sometimes when they are too busy to call, they'll just text you.

Sometimes, they just don't give a fuck. Correction. Most of the time.

My worst delayed flight would be a few years back, circa Chinese New Year.

I was at the airport at five in the morning, groggy yet still excited to board my 7.10 a.m. flight back home.

Then it got delayed to 10 a.m.

Then again to 2 p.m.

Then another half an hour delay before actually taking off (My zombified body was already strapped on its suspiciously unhygienic leather seat).

So yeah, 9 hours. I finished reading two books, a magazine and did a botchy french manicure all within that torturous wait. EPIC.

So today, I received an e-mail from this respectable airline.

You'd think at least they are nice enough to e-mail me...they are.

TO TELL ME THAT MY FLIGHT HAS BEEN CANCELED.

Bet you never heard of that! 'Coz in all my 5 years experience of flying 10 times a year, my flights had only been rudely delayed! Never canceled!

They gave no reasons, no apologies, no compensations, just a mere "appreciate your understanding of our position in this matter and hope your future flights with us will be pleasant and problem free". I'll be much, much happier had I only been born yesterday.

A question to ponder: Will the world's most money-sucking, snakey, ripping off airline reimburse?



Sunday, August 2, 2009

Conspiracy Theory


Pandemic crisis.
Global panic and terror will ensue.
What's one ruler to do?
Declare a state of emergency, evacuate and save lives?
Or cover it up with a less horrific crisis, practice safety precaution, and avoid panic and chaos?
Till someone actually dies from it?

The buried bodies won't stay buried for long.
It is bound to resurface.

And somebody's going to jail.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Bad case of dejavu


I've never been a follower of our Malaysian politics hoo-ha.

I can't tell from one minister to another.

General elections and by-elections make me go, "Huh?"

And the only cabinet I'm familiar with is the one at home where my baby photos are kept.

So basically, I'm politically retarded.

But I know something is seriously wrong when I read this article from themalaysianinsider.com:

NAZRI VOWS BN WILL KEEP ISA, PRO-ISA MAN GETS TO PALACE

KUALA LUMPUR, Aug 1 — Police have crushed an anti-ISA rally that turned the capital into a battlezone with tear gas and water cannon while allowing a pro-ISA activist through to the Istana Negara as Datuk Seri Nazri Aziz defiantly said Barisan Nasional will keep the security law as it was “necessary”.

“As long as Barisan Nasional is leading the government, the ISA will not be abolished,” Nazri told reporters in Kota Kinabalu, in an immediate reaction to the rally in the capital city.


And this is only one of the many articles that made me feel disgusted with our government ruling. I've heard and read on how bad they are, always playing the racial card and all, but this has got to be the ultimate insult (I believe there's more insulting events, but hey, in this issue, I was only born yesterday. Literally). Are we really living in a free, democratic country where the VOICES of the people are being heard? Or are we just prisoners of power crazy rulers?

The reason it hits hard on me is 'coz it's almost like a sudden bad case of dejavu of what we're experiencing here in this wretched place I'm studying in. Ultimate power. Power crazy. Oppression. Retardation. You had to wonder, "What on earth were they thinking?!"


A policeman ready to bring down the screen to block the view of the police truck carrying women arrested during the anti-ISA protests in KL today. - Picture by Choo Choy May - themalaysianinsider.com


I think I have just woken up from a long, ignorant sleep. And I realise and I know that I can do something about it. I finally have a cause to register myself for the next general election (did I get the term right? I'm still nevertheless retarded). And you must be wondering where the hell did the egocentric Amanda whose world only revolves around her go.

But then again, I'm a government servant, will I be playing with fire and get burned for going against the "regime"?