Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Prove That Cats Are Aliens


MACON, Ga. -- Oreo the cat spends her days doing typical cat things and some not so typical. She enjoys sitting with her owner Kelvin Collins and reading the newspaper.

"Oreo's a really smart cat... She keeps up with current events," said Collins.

Oreo's so smart, she has something many people don't: a G.E.D. She got her diploma from Jefferson High School Online. Collins took the test for her, but found out it doesn't take a genius to pass.

"I realized if you miss a question, it's going to come back and give you a hint that tells you exactly what the answer is," he said.

With the extra help, Oreo got mostly A's. Some of her credits came from a life experience essay where Collins wrote about Oreo's adoption into the family.

"She always lands on her feet and that's one of the things that I put."

He says he hardly lied on the application.

"I did lie about one thing. You have to be 18 to take the test and Oreo is only two, but that could be 18 in cat years. Who knows?" he said.

Janet Kelly with Middle Georgia Technical College in Warner Robins says true GED programs don't give clues to the test answers and don't give credits for life experience.

"Obviously the value of a GED from a place like this has no worth whatsoever," she said about Jefferson High.

Collins actually works for the Better Business Bureau and did the experiment to expose diploma mills. He says Jefferson High School Online is based in St. Kitts, a small country in the Caribbean.

"You can have a diploma in just a few weeks if you're willing to spend the money... The problem is it's not going to be a diploma you're going to be able to take to a job or take to another college... So you just end up wasting your money."

Oreo's diploma cost $200, although she hasn't found a job yet.

"Even a cat can get a high school diploma if they just go to the right places."

Collins says a school that gives a GED to a cat is the wrong place for a human to get theirs.

We contacted Jefferson High School Online and asked them about Oreo's diploma. They did not respond. The web site is not connected to any real Jefferson High Schools.

Collins says some red flags that identify a diploma mill include degrees or diplomas awarded based on life experience, a guarantee you will receive a degree or diploma within a few days or weeks and an address for administration buildings including P.O. boxes or suite numbers.

- 10connects.com

**GED = General Education Development tests are a group of five subject tests which (when passed) certifies that the taker has American or Canadian high school-level academic skills.

This proves that:
  1. Aliens do exist.
  2. Aliens come in the form of a cat.
  3. The reason humans are easily manipulated by cats is because of their high IQ brain manipulating alien power.
  4. The main objective aliens come to earth as cats is to annoy humans who are immune to their manipulation alien power.
  5. The owner of the cat is a perfectly rational human. Whose brain is eaten and controlled by his pet cat alien.


Melancholic Fool said...

do u hate cats?

MeMeR said...

Aren't they just adorable!!some la..

Amanda Christine Wong said...

weeeell...a bit? Just below neutral la...heh

kei-1 said...

do I need to start worrying for all the cats that I've thrown out of my house now?

Melancholic Fool said...

be afraid kei, be veryyyy afraid...

Amanda Christine Wong said...

kei: they're out to get you! with their super power of furry cuteness!

MeMeR said...

Come on guys!!!

stalker said...

there's a cat which can play piano. Named nora. google now

Amanda Christine Wong said...

Memer: sorry mer, im just so not a car person :D

Stalker: seriously?! more proof!