Cat invasion on the internet (see I told you they are taking over our world!)

Have you ever come across this cat on the internet?


It can be any cat, doing absolutely anything, and saying completely rubbish English.

He is a Lolcat:
An image combining a photograph , most frequently of a cat, with a humorous and idiosyncratic caption in (often) broken English—a dialect which is known as "lolspeak" or "kitty pidgin" and which parodies the poor grammar typically attributed to Internet slang.


Harry Whittier Frees created the first Lolcat, on postcard in 1905.


And the world went crazy with Lolcats.


There's even Loldogs - which by the way are waaay cuter.


The invasion of kitty pidgin is really making our job as English teachers much more difficult.


But as they say, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.


Oh yes I am :D

Ketch ya laters, kthxbai.

Durians: Love 'em or hate 'em

When it comes to stating your thoughts on durians, you can't just say, "It's aight."

It's either, "It's SUPER MOTHER FARKING AWFUL, I'm cutting my tongue off!" respond, or, "It's SUPER MOTHER FARKING DELICOUS, I think I just came."

British explorer, Alfred Russel Wallace wrote a pretty poetic description of durians in 1895:

"The five cells are silky-white within, and are filled with a mass of firm, cream-coloured pulp, containing about three seeds each. This pulp is the edible part, and its consistence and flavour are indescribable. A rich custard highly flavoured with almonds gives the best general idea of it, but there are occasional wafts of flavour that call to mind cream-cheese, onion-sauce, sherry-wine, and other incongruous dishes. Then there is a rich glutinous smoothness in the pulp which nothing else possesses, but which adds to its delicacy. It is neither acid nor sweet nor juicy; yet it wants neither of these qualities, for it is in itself perfect. It produces no nausea or other bad effect, and the more you eat of it the less you feel inclined to stop. In fact, to eat Durians is a new sensation worth a voyage to the East to experience. ... as producing a food of the most exquisite flavour it is unsurpassed."

You can image how huge his boner was while eating durians.

These people beg to differ though.

- Anthony Burgess, British novelist
"like eating sweet raspberry blancmange (sweet, pudding-like dessert) in the lavatory"

- Andrew Zimmern, chef,
"completely rotten, mushy onions"

- Anthony Bourdain, chef & American author
"Your breath will smell as if you'd been French-kissing your dead grandmother"

-Richard Sterling, travel & food writer
"... its odor is best described as pig-shit, turpentine and onions, garnished with a gym sock"

And other comparisons are made to a civet, sewage, stale vomit, skunk spray and used surgical swabs.

Oh come on people.

Burgess, do YOU eat your pudding in the loo?
Zimmern, you could finish up eating all those insects, satay-ed bats, beating frog hearts and yet you surrender at a bite of a durian? Pussy.
Bourdain, Nana is very disappointed with you.
Sterling, you drama queen.

As bad as it people think it smells like a ferret, your sewer pipe, your little nephew's puke, a prank fart bomb and (eugh) pus coated surgical swabs, I. FUCKING. LOVE. IT.

Mr. Wallace, you rock.

A little trivia:
- durians closely rival chocolates in terms of its addictive nature.
- and they are aphrodisiacs.



NO (Ooohhh!) WONDER.

The Real Super Heroes

Ok, here's another series of photos where I destroy your idealistic cartoon characters. This time, it's the Marvel and DC comics characters. However, I'm just showing you WHO are the real super heroes out there.

Spider-man

BERNABE MENDEZ from the State of Guerrero works as a professional window cleaner in New York. He sends 500 dollars a month.

The Hulk

PAULINO CARDOZO from the State of Guerrero works in a greengrocer loading trucks.
He Sends 300 dollars a week.

The Thing

LUIS HERNANDEZ from the State of Veracruz works in demolition in New York. He sends 200 dollars a week.

The Human Torch

OSCAR GONZALEZ from the State of Oaxaca works as a cook in New York.
He Sends 350 dollars a week.

Aquaman

JUVENTINO ROSAS from the State of Mexico works in a fish market in New York.
He Sends 400 dollars a week.

Flashman

ALVARO CRUZ from the State of Mexico works as a cook and runs with Los Compadres team.
He Sends 300 dollars a month.

Elastic Man

SERGIO GARCÍA from the State of México works as a waiter in New York.
He Sends 350 dollars a week.

Green Lantern

ROMÁN ROMERO from Tlapa Guerrero works as a superintendent in New York.
He Sends 800 dollars a month.

Batman

FEDERICO MARTINEZ from the State of Puebla works as a taxi driver in New York.
He Sends 250 dollars a week.

Robin

ERNESTO MENDEZ from Mexico City works as a gigolo in Times Square New York.
He Sends 200 dollars a week.

Cat Woman

MINERVA VALENCIA from Puebla works as a nanny in New York.
She Sends 400 dollars a week.

Superman

NOE REYES from the State of Puebla works as a delivery boy in Brooklyn New York.
He Sends 500 dollars a week.

Wonder Woman

MARIA LUISA ROMERO from the State of Puebla works in a Laundromat in Brooklyn New York.
She Sends 150 dollars a week.

Chapulin

ADALBERTO LARA from the State of Mexico works as a construction worker in New York.
He Sends 350 dollars a week.

Santo

JOSÉ ROSENDO DE JESÚS from the State of Guerrero works as a union organizer in New York.
He Sends 700 a month.

Works courtesy of Dulce Pinzon where she tells the story:

After September 11, the notion of the “hero” began to rear its head in the public consciousness more and more frequently. The notion served a necessity in a time of national and global crisis to acknowledge those who showed extraordinary courage or determination in the face of danger, sometimes even sacrificing their lives in an attempt to save others. However, in the whirlwind of journalism surrounding these deservedly front-page disasters and emergencies, it is easy to take for granted the heroes who sacrifice immeasurable life and labor in their day to day lives for the good of others, but do so in a somewhat less spectacular setting.

The Mexican immigrant worker in New York is a perfect example of the hero who has gone unnoticed. It is common for a Mexican worker in New York to work extraordinary hours in extreme conditions for very low wages which are saved at great cost and sacrifice and sent to families and communities in Mexico who rely on them to survive.

...The principal objective of this series is to pay homage to these brave and determined men and women that somehow manage, without the help of any supernatural power, to withstand extreme conditions of labor in order to help their families and communities survive and prosper.

Don't they make the fictional super heroes look like completely obsolete pussies?

Disney Hunks!

Last post we talked about Disney princesses. Today let's talk about their heroes. But living in a sexist world, we don't get to see what happened to them after their happily ever after. We don't get to see them develop beer guts or balding heads. INSTEAD, we get to see them all SUPER DELICIOUSLY SEKSED UP! Even the most feminist and gayest woman would want to play damsel in distress if our favourite princes and heroes get to be dressed (or undressed) like this. Enjoy, you horny bitches.

Peter Pan from Peter Pan

Good thing you'll never grow up.

Prince Phillip from Sleeping Beauty

I'll never sleep. EVER.

Eric from The Little Mermaid

I know you'd like some sushi.

Adam (Human Beast) from Beauty and the Beast

Under all those fur is a sexier beast.

Gaston from Beauty and the Beast

Another sexy beast

Aladdin from Aladdin

I'd like to see a whole new world with you.

John from Pocahontas

You can colonise me.

Kocoum from Pocahontas

You can decolonise me.

Thomas from Pocahontas

Yeah, I don't really remember you, but you look like fun.

Phoebus from The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Save me, I'm a gypsy. I swear.

Hercules from Hercules

Hi, I'm Aphrodite...

Shang from Mulan

Oh shucks, you caught me...Can I still be in your army?

Tarzan from Tarzan

I don't know what you just said but I'd like to follow you back to the jungle.

John Henry from John Henry

Yeah, I don't know you, but my that's a big sledge hammer you have.

Kuzco from The Emperor's New Groove

I'd groove with you.

Milo Thatch from Atlantis: The Lost Empire

I'm lost. Find me?

David from Lilo & Stitch

Well aloha there...

Jim from Treasure Island

Looking for some treasure?

Will Turner from Pirates of The Caribbean

Let's abandon ship together.

Troy Bolton from High School Musical

Wanna play ball?

Prince Edward from Enchanted

When you come to save me in the real world, don't wear pants.

King Peter and Prince Caspian from Narnia

Let's do it for Narnia.

Prince Naveen from Princess and The Frog

I don't care if you were green and slimy before.

THANK YOU David Kawena!

Disney marathon, anyone? :D

Unhappily Ever After

Ever wondered what happened to all those Disney princesses who got their happy ending at the end? As in, what happened after the happy ending? Enjoy, you sadistic bitches.

Ariel from Little Mermaid

"Mom! A real life mermaid! Like in those movies!"

Belle from Beauty & The Beast

Guess Man Beast is hotter than you now huh, Belle.

Cinderella from Cinderella

Prince is always out-stationed huh?

Princess Jasmine from Aladdin

"Damn those Americans!"

Little Red Riding Hood from Little Red Riding Hood

A very happy, hungry wolf is waiting for you, Red

Rapunzel from Rapunzel

That's it honey, embrace chemo. Lose the ridiculous wig.

Princess Aurora from Sleeping Beauty

"Sir, dragging your wife and her bed is prohibited here."

Snow White from Snow White

Don't you wish he never came and rescued you?

These brilliant photos are works of the Dina Goldstein, and this is her Fallen Princesses work:

Fallen Princesses place Fairy Tale characters in modern day scenarios. In all of the images the Princess is placed in an environment that articulates her conflict. The ‘…happily ever after’ is replaced with a realistic outcome and addresses current issues.”...I began to imagine Disney's perfect princesses juxtaposed with real life issues that were affecting women around me, such as illness, addiction and self-image issues.

Life is never a fairy tale. Not even for them.

This Day in History for 27th of November

I know most of you sucked in your history, so let's have a brief run down on the 10 awesome things that happened on the 27th of November staring from the year 1095 till 1986.

1095
Pope Urban II orders first Crusade.

You know where we're dining tonight!

1582
William Shakespeare marries Anne Hathaway.

But I thought...?!

1703
The first Eddystone Lighthouse is destroyed in the Great Storm.

Not our first lighthouse! FML...

1885
Earliest photograph of a meteor shower made.

Dude, we're not high, are we?

1911
Audience throw vegetables at actors for first recorded time in US.

Make sure you record this. It's going to be LEGENDARY!

1940
Bruce Lee was born in California.

For the last time, I wasn't born in Hong Kong!

1948
Honda first opens in America.

Luckily Hiroshima wasn't THAT big...

1978
Harvey Milk, American politician and the first openly gay man to be elected to public office in California was shot by Dan White, San Francisco supervisor.

Yeaah, I only heard of him after the movie came out. Admit it, you too.

1985
Republic of Ireland gains consultative role in Northern Ireland.

Rejoice ye Leprechauns!

1986
Amanda Christine Wong was born in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah. Woot!

I is wicked

Happy birthday to me! :D

10 Sickest Literary Texts I've Read

In my five and half years of being a TESL student, we are led to believe that literature is good for us. It contains timeless, universal values that we can learn from. We can discover the workings of other culture and societies of a different time. It basically reflects life. So if you have zero knowledge on literature, you'd think the books are all written by old farts in very old English, purposely twisted to make your understanding harder that preach goodness and morality.

You are so fucking wrong.

The literature world ain't some rainbows and butterflies stories that teaches moral values. It's rather the contrary.

I don't know about other TESL courses in other institutions, but the texts that are assigned to us are pretty dark, twisted and depressing. The characters are mostly psychotic, sadistic and very horny. And most of the characters die in the end.

These are ten of the sickest texts we studied (that I could remember):

10. The Cane in the Corridor by James Thurber
It's about a sadistic man who drove his already crazy friend nuts by talking about mental hospitals and whatnot just because his friend didn't visit him when he was sick. What a child.

9. Paul's Case by Willa Cather
It's about a young man who jumped towards a moving train because his father wanted him to become an accountant when all he want to do is a musical.

8. The Prussian Officer by D. H. Lawrence
It's about a masochistic Prussian officer who loves to beat the shit out of his orderly who happens to hero worship his commander. So brutal, so sad, so gay.

7. The Rocking Horse Winner by D. H. Lawrence
It's about a kid who rode his rocking horse whom he believes will make them win the lottery, till he fucking dies.

6. Territory by David Leavitt
A man was caught doing the doggy with another man by his mother. On her perfectly manicured lawn.

5. The Landlady by Roald Dahl
It's a about a crazy wrinkled bag of a landlady with red finger nails who kills young boys who come in to stay for the night, disembowel them and preserved them like stuffed animals.

4. Sredni Vashtar by Saki
It's about a despaired and sadistic kid who wishes his guardian dead. And when she did die in a fire after she was attacked by his pet ferret, he smacked his lips and enjoyed his toast. Yum.

3. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
It's about a man who decided to get back on his lover for not wanting to fornicate with him by torturing his lover's husband - by marrying and abusing his lover's husband's sister. He also fucks up the relationship of his married lover's child whom is in love with his child. Yes, their kids are actually first cousins. Eww.

2. A Rose for Emily by William Faulkner
A crazy ass bitch killed her boyfriend after he said he wanted to ditch her. And she had necrophiliac sex with her dead boyfriend all night long, all year long.

1. Oedipus Rex by Sophocles
It's about a man who accidentally killed his father and married his mother. When he realised he had been fucking and sperminating his mom, he jabbed his eyes with pins from his mom's dress. His children are also his siblings. Good thing he's bloody blinded now. FHL.

So you see, these writers are definitely not just nice old farts living the good life. Most of them are mentally ill or have a disturbing childhood. The more fucked up your life is, the greater your acknowledgement in the literary canon.

And boy we've learnt a lot from these texts. I just hope none of us would go crazy and jump towards a moving LRT train when we start teaching next year.


Or go on a killing spree.